I O v \j o 

sT oh 
T- J. SMITH, HATTER 



»S 635 


A PLAY IN FOUR ACTS, 




.Z9 






C265 


BY 




Copy 1 


V 






HENRY S. CATON, 






-AUTHOR OF- 



" Queen Bertha" "A Passing Storm" " Cousin 
Vance" &c. 



Copyrighted August, 1885 in the office of the 
Librarian of congress, by E. M. Sheridan, 
913 G. Street, Washington, D. C. 



ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. 



WASHINGTON, D. C: ^cd** 

the Commercial Publishing Company. 







(A 
DRAMATIS PERSONS. 

Mr. T. J. Smith A hatter — 55 years old. 

Charles ,, His son — 20 years old. 

Lord Lyndon 30 years old — son of Lady Lyndon. 

Capt. Johnson Of the merchant navy — 55 years old. 

Admiral LYND0N...Uncle to Lord Lyndon— 60 years old. 

Horace Graham \ ^ fl „<i«, A f ri,..*^ 

Augustus Claverland } Fnends of Charles 

Lorriner A hand in Smith's store. 

Ryan A servant. 

Skinner A money-lender 

Tom Apprentice. 

Mr. Compton. 

Mr. Blanchard. 

Mrs. Smith Wife to T. J. Smith. 

Margaret Her daughter. 

Lady Lyndon Mother to Lord Lyndon — 55 years old. 

Ophelia A young milliner. 

Two Young Ladies. 



TMP92-008809 



T. J. SMITE HATTER. 

Place. — London, at the present time. 

ACT I. 

Vie scene represents the back store of a hatter s establish- 
ment. In the rear, one can see through a glass partition, 
the front store, show cases with hats, counters, &c, and the 
door with the name " T. J. Smith '' written backwards ; also 
a glimpse of the street can be had through the door and 
windows of the store. A door in the partition leads to 
the front store. On the right, a winding staircase leading 
to rooms above. A side door, on the right, leads outside. 
In the front, tables are covered with unfinished hats, band- 
boxes, irons, linings, &c, &c. 

Lorriner. {holding a hat and speaking through the 
glass door that leads to the store.) All right, sir ; all right ! 
Jt will be ready in time. I'll have it done, (closing the 
door) There ! Mr. Smith is gone ! — now for a rest ! 
Tom ! 

Enter Tom from the store. 

Tom. Sir ? 

Lok. (sitting and giving him the hat) Here, press that 
our,. 

Tom. (taking the hat) I thought so ! you always give 
me 3-our work to do as soon as master steps out. 

I. or. None of your impudence ! Stulte! 

Tom. You are always speaking Latin ! 

Lor. A splendid language! The only one worth 
speaking, in fact ! aurea dicta! I have grown proficient 
in it by being constantly in the company of Mr. Charles, 



6 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 

who has been to all the highest colleges in England ! You 
ought to follow my example and improve your speech. 

Tom. Oh ! English is good enough for me ! besides, I 
have no time ; what with doing what master tells me and 
your work, too, into the bargain — 

L©r. Master? what an inelegant word— it implies 
slavery — servitus ! besides it does not decline— never use 
a word'that does not decline, it is a bad one for sure ; 
now " employer " is good — you can decline it : employes, 
employer, employwm — decline, always decline ! 

Tom. I decline to decline ! 

Lor. Ignoramus ! 

Tom. Look here ! no names, d'ye hear ? — or I'll de- 
cline pressing this hat for you ! and you can press, pressa, 
pressum that hat, hata, hatum yourself! (a pause) Now 
Mr Lorriner, what is the use of Latin to make hats ? 

Lor. Speak for yourself, you simpleton ! Hats ! do 
you think I am going to pass my life making hats ? — No, 
child, I am ambitious ! Gloria avidissimus sum! When 
I see Mr. Smith, who never knew anything but his trade, 
taught to him by his father, piling up money, piling up 
consideration, becoming president of the hatters' guild, 
vice-president of the Board of Health, Commissioner for 
the Koyal Exhibition, chairmau of the Committee on 
Colonial Fur Products and only having to bide his time 
to be Lord Mayor — for Mrs Smith is dying to be my Lady 
Mayoress — when I see Mr. Charles, his son, becoming a law- 
yer, only through speaking Latiu, and in course of time able 
to sit in Parliament and be Premier, when I see all this, 
I say to myself, why can't I, a hatter's first hand, posses- 
sing education and Latin, soar as high and even higher 1 
excelsior! (the cry of " counter," from within) Counter! 
don't you hear, dunce ! A&inc! Fly! Afi! (Exit Tom) 
Of course (pressing) I am not going to press hats all 
my life ! I hate hats ! I wish there wasn't such a thing 
in the world as a hat! — (crushes the hat with the iron) 
there, there, that is the way I'd like to press them ! 

Enter Charles and Horace. 

Charles, (running up behind Lorriner and kicking 
him) Why don't you kick 'em too ! 
Lor. (rubbing himself) Kickus, Kicka, Kickum ! 
Horace. Bene applicatum, eh, Lorriner! 



T. J. SMITH, HATTER 7 

Charles, (slapping Lorriner on the shoulder) I say, 
old fellow, did ray father ask after me since yesterday ? 

Lor. Yes, sir, several times ; but I answered him as 
had been agreed, that, in the day, you had gone to the 
law school for a special debate 

Hor. Good — debate ! otherwise called Derby ! very 
good ! 

Lor. And in the evening, I said you had gone to a 
night session. 

Hor. (slapping Charles) Splendid ! so it was — a ses- 
sion in the pool room ? Ain't we rascals ? ha, ha? 

Lor. (slapping Charles) Now ain't we though ! 

Charles (seriously) We are lucky if father does not 
find us out! 

Lor. The missus! (snatches a hat and brushes it vio- 
lently) 

Enter Mrs. Smith — the same. 

Mrs. S. (to Lorriner, coming down the staircase) 
Well ? what are you doing here ? Your place is at the 
counter, when Mr. Smith is out ! Why are you not 
there ! don't y^u see there are customers ? 

Lor. (aside) Nuisance! (dashes two hats together 
and crushes them, then disappears to re-enter soon, stealth- 
ily). 

' Mrs. S. Well, Charles, where have you been ? I have 
not set my eyes on you since yesterday i 

Chas. I have had a spell of hard study. An early 
debate yesterday and a night session that lasted very 
late ; and again to-day we have another early debate. 

Hor. Indeed, it has been quite trying, ma'am ; but 
you know we must go through these spells of hard study 
if we wish to succeed ; we must keep ourselves posted on 
all new questions that arise in a legal way ; in fact, 
Charles and myself we had studied the points for yester- 
day several davs ahead ! 

Chas. (aside) Horace is going too far ! 

Mrs. S. If he was with you, Mr. Graham, I am quite 
satisfied. You are a little his senior and can help him in 
his studies. 

Hor. I can show him but very few points, madam. 

Mrs. S. He is a clever boy, isn't he? 



8 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 

Hor. Clever! why there are moments that he can put 
the whole English bar to the blush ! 

Chas. (aside, annoyed) He's actually laughing at -my 
mother ! 

Mrs. S. I am really glad to hear you say so ! 

Chas. (aside) Poor mother ! 

Mrs S. And my husband who wanted to make him a 
hatter like himself! 

Hor. (shocked) Oh ! it would be suicide, ma'am ; a 
case ofmorl suicide ! 

Mrs. S. Well, you know, my husband is an excellent 
man, but he has his notions ; his tiade is every thing to 
him. 

Lor. It's a regular frenzy with him ! 

Mrs. S. Lorriner ! to the counter ! (exit Lorriner and 
returns) And so headstrong! Why it was only latel}' 
that we have persuaded him to change the hours of the 
family meals! — only since he has been elected member of 
the boards and committees — and see how we live ! Of 
course we have every possible comfort — but no style! — 
look at the house! — over a store ! in this horrible part of 
the city — all trade ! 

Lor. (aside) Her mother used to sell oranges in it ! 

Mrs. S. When we could well afford an elegant man- 
sion in the West End. No matter ; he says he must live 
on the spot with his business; he wants to have an eye 
on the retail and wholesale trade and yet be home too ; 
he says his father did so and thrived, and nothing can get 
him oat of that ! I think that when one is saving plenty 
of money and has inherited a fine fortune, as he did from 
his brother two years a^o, if one does not leave off busi- 
ness altogether, one may at least do it with a certain 
style — For instance — he could drive in a coupe and we 
could live 

HoR. Near the set your daughter is destined to adorn! 

Mrs. S. Hush ! (looking round) Lorriner ! to the 
counter ! 

Lor. (aside) Always at the counter ! Oh, what a 
life this is ! 

Mrs. S. (with a mysterious air) Are you then in the 
secret, Mr. Graham ? 

Chas Why, certainly, mother"; he is Lyndon's inti- 
mate friend. 



T. J. SMITH, BAITER. 9 

Mrs. S. (delighted) You don't say so? 

Hon. Indeed I am, Mrs. Smith, Lord Lyndon and my- 
self have been children together ; he has confided to 
me his love for Chailie's sister; how he would come 
and buy a new hat every week and have some pressing 
done every second day in the hopes of seeing her — and 
how lie made Charlie's acquaintance to be introduced 

Mrs. S. Of course I began noticing all Ibis. 

Hor. How often he has. spoken to me of you, of your 
kindness, your motherly care of him ! how happy he 
would be if he could become nearer related to you ! 

Mrs. S. So would I! Such a nice young man, with a 
title and a high position in the financial world at his age! 
Well, notwithstanding all these advantages, I have not 
dared to speak to my husband yet about him! 

HoR. Why not ? 

Mrs. S. My husband is an excellent man, Mr. Graham, 
and perfectly devoted to his family ; he would give his 
life for his children; he has worked hard to lay by 
100,000 pounds for both Maggie and Charlie to start them 
in life with ; but he has queer notions ! — he has nursed a 
a pet fancy of his for years — he wishes Maggie to marry 
thp nephew of an old friend of his — a druggist ! 

Hor. (with disgust) A druggist ! 

Mrs. S. Yes, a nice fellow too, to be fair. I think 
Maggie would have liked him, and I myself was in favor 
of him for a long time; but since we came into a fortune, 
I thought I wouldn't encourage his visits much ; be- 
tween his business that has been increasing and my cold- 
ness to him, he has not been round of late. I do not 
wish Maggie to throw herself away on him ! she can do 
better ! 

Hor. Of course she can ! Why, I would not compare 
Lyndon to a drusgist ! — faugh! — but you have not for- 
gotten, I hope, that to day Ladv Lyndon is coming to be 
introduced by her son and make a formal proposal for 
your daughter's hand ? Mr. Smith ought to know. 

Mrs. S. I must speak to him to-day ! there is no back- 
ing out of it — but I dread it, Mr. braham, I really do 
dread it ! 

B 



10 T J. SMITH, HATTER 



Enter Margaret from staircase. 

Mar. Mamma ! mamma ! here's papa ! he is just turn- 
ing the corner ! 

Hor. (to Mrs. S.) Now, Mrs. Smith, now is the 
time ! 

Mrs. S. I know it! I am come down for that pur- 
pose. 

Miter Smith through the store. 

Smith. Good morning, all ! Why, Charlie, I see you 
at last! Good morning, Mr. Graham! — let me sir, down, 
I am half dead with the heat ! 

Mrs. S. (fussing round him and fanning him with a 
newspaper) Goodness gracious ! how hot he is ! Why, 
papa, where have you been running so ? 

Smith, (mopping his forehead) I have been in fifty 

places ! — I don't mind going round for my business, 

but all these meetings and boards to attend to! — and 
do you know? — they have just named me chairman of the 
Parish Charitable Association ! 

Mrs. S. (kissing him ) Have they ? — I am so 



Smith. — Well, I am not. It will take me off my 
business dreadfully. I bet you.it is your own doing! 
You must have been round praising and putting me !..- 
I never knew a wife so anxious as you are, to get 

her husband into hot water you know I only wish 

to be let alone I am only happy here, when quiet 

in my workshop. 

Mrs. S. You are too much in your workshop ; why 
if you shook yourself up a little, you might get into the 
House ! 

Smith, (jumping up.) Into what? into the 

House? — bless the woman ! — And a nice member I'd 
make! — Because I know a beavei skin from an imitation, 
does that mean that I can rule a kingdom ? I was born 
in hats, and nobody can beat me at hats! but what fig- 
ure should I cut in Parliament? What do I know about 
laws, treaties, alliances, wars, ships, agriculture, consti- 
tutions and regulations, eh ? 



T. J. SMITH, HATTER 11 

Mrs. S Oh! you would not be the first man who 
had 

Smith. Unfortunately ! — and more is the shame ! — 
The country would be all the better off, if every fellow 
who has turned an honest penny at an honest trade, 
would only stick to it and not dabble in politics, the 
nation generally footing the bill of his blunders ! Legis- 
lation is a profession like everything else ; it requires 
knowledge and must be acquired when young, by dint of 
training. It can't be learned sixty, by half an hour's 
reading of the Constitution. 

Horace. You are not ambitious, Mr. Smith ! 

Smith. Ambitious? Yes sir, I am ambitious, and I 
have alwavsbeen ambitious! and that is why I have 
prospered ! — My father was a journey- man hattf-r and 
because he was ambitious, he died leaving me a fine re- 
tail store and a good solid custom. I knew my trade 
thoroughly ; with energy and work, I defied competition; 
I won medals at all the Exhibitions; I made improve- 
ments ; I invented patent frames, patent linings and 
patent springs ; The T. J. Smith hats became known all 
over the world! I increased the business by adding a 
wholesale department ; where my father sold one hat, I 
sell a hundred ; where he bought a dozen skins, I buy a 
thousand ! I have cargoes of sealskins from Canada ; 
freight trains of rabbit-skins from Switzerland ; vessels 
laden with furs from Russia ! I have contracts for army 
supplies from every country ; and the name of Thomas 
Joshua Smith at the foot of a note will be honored with- 
out endorsement anywhere in the city, for it is known 
that my word is my bond ! — That is ambition, Bir, but 
in its proper place! — 

Horace. But, my dear Mr. Smith, at that rate the 
world would never move ; we'd always be what our 
great grandfathers were before us 

Smith. (Lorriner slips in.) Not at all, sir! — As you 
pee, I am a bigger man than my father, and here is 
Charlev here ! he did not take to hats, he had his 
mother's restlessness in him ; he wanted to be something 
higher; "All right" I said; "you are young; my lad; 
you are in time to take in the right training ;" I put him 
in the right groove; you know he has gone through all 



12 T. J. SMITH, HATTER 

the courses of study; he is to take his degree in a few 
weeks; I shall soon fit him rooms for practice and shall 
spare nothing to eive him a good start ; then his own 
brains must work his path for him ; and if twenty years 
hence his brains land him in Parliament, he will prove 
agood, efficient, and experienced member; and my anhbi- 
tion will be much more satisfied by being the father jof a 
prominent leader, than to be myself, like a fish o\xb, of 
water, the dunce of the House oj Commons ! 

Lor. (aside.) Dunce of the House — geese of thfc? 
Capitol. — Anseres Capitolii ! — (Mrs. Smith and Margaret 
force Smith down on his chair, pet and fan him) 

Chas. (aside to Horace, Mercy, if father only 
knew that I got plucked at the last examination and 
can't even present myself to run for the degree! — 

Hor. (aside to Charles.) Pshaw ! — pretend to run 
for it anyhow, get left and accuse the jury of par- 
tiality ;— he'll believe you have studied hard and will 
pity rather than blame you. You have plenty of time to 
become a lawyer next year, there is no hurry about 
it 

Chas. (aside.) If I only get out of it this year, I'll 
work and catch up ! — 

Smith. By the bye. my man, where were you yester- 
day ? I did not set my eyf-s on you ; you came home so 
late, and this morning, you were off without your break- 
fast ; why so? — 

Mrs. S. Oh ! they had a special debate and a night 
session. He told me so just now ! — 

Smith. Is that so, boy ? (Chas. nods timidly.) 

Mrs. S. You would not doubt his word, would 
you ? — 

Smith. Doubt his word ? Heaven help me from ever 
doing that ! (slapping Chas. on the shoidder.) No, my 
boy, no, no- go and work, work hard that is the way to 
succeed. If the day is not enough, study at night. That 
is the way to reach the top of the ladder — you can take 
your rest then ! That is how I understand ambition, Mr. 
Grraham ! — 

Lor. Well said, sir ! Work, success and glory ! labor, 
prosperitas, gloria ! — 

Smith. What are you doing here, you lazy lubber? 



T. J. SMI1H, HATTER. 13 



don't you know Co!. Drummond's shako must be finished 
before one o'clock parade? — hurry up ! or rather, here, I'll 
do it mysplf ! Excuse me, Mr. Graham ! — 

Hoe. Certainly — why, in fact, we ought to be going. 
Charles, we'll be late ! 

Smith, (to Chas ) Another debate ? 
Hor. Yes, or rather the sequel of yesterday's — come 
on, Charlie — 

Lorriner. ('piling vp hats.) Billardus, billarda, bill- 
ardum ! — 

Smith. Go ahead, my boy ! This evening we shall 

Hor. This evening we must attend a lecture on Roman 
law and bigamy — 

Lor. (aside.) At Crernorne! Cremornus, cremorna, 

ere 

Smith (to Lorriner.) What's that? 
Lorrixer. (dropping a hat.) Nothing ! 
Horace, (to Mrs. S.) Good bye, my dear Mrs Smith, 
good bye — (apart) do not forget Lord Lvndon — (aloud.) 
Miss Smith (bowing.) (Exeunt Horace and Charles.) 
Mrs. . v . I must speak now or never! — 
Smith, (to Lorrixer giving a military* J tat.) Here! 
Bee that this goes in time! (Exit Lorriner. ) Ah! now 
let me make myself comfortable ! Madge, there's a good 
£irl ! — take my coat up stairs ! I've got to look over these 
boxes before they are shipped. — Where's my apron? — 
Here it i^ ! (slips it on.) Now I feel cozy ! — Let me see; my 
order book ami a pencil! — This is tf'e first order of hats 
from Honolulu. 500 parade caps for the King's guards 
and fifteen silk beavers tor His Majesty's household; — I 
want to -ee if the men have turned out first-class arti- 
cles ; — that is the way to secure foreign trade! — Let me 
see — Box No. 1 — twenty- five caps — No. 2. — five beavers 

(goes o)i humming and inspecting the boxes and 

order book.) 

Marg (to Mrs. S.) Mother, don't you think he is 
now in a good humor ? — 

Mrs. S. I think so, we had better try ! — It is neces- 
sary he should not be taken by surprise when Lady Lyn- 
ctcn comes. — 

Marg. (to Mrs S.) And recollect Lord Lyndon told 



14 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 

me she would be very likely to come towards one. — She 
may be here pretty soon. 

Smith. What are you both whispering for ? Want to 
go to some place of amusement to-night? — What is up? 

Capt. Johnson, (from outside.) He is in there? — 
AU right, I'll find him ! 

Smith. Who's voice is that ? 

Enter Johnson. 

Johnson. Why there he is! — that ia him ! 

Smith. Why Johnson! my dear old friend! (They 
embrace ) 

Johnson. Why yes, your oil schoolmate! — the old 
salt come back to London for a while ! — taking coal at 
Gravesend, I thought I'd run up and see you all ! — 

Mrs. S. — Why rnerey, who would have thought ! — 
why you left us fifteen years ago ! — 

Johnson Eighteen, ma'am, eighteen !— I have 
knocked about everywhere since then ; — but I am right 
glad to see you all in the same old place ; — You both look 
splendid! Why I would have known you anywhere! — 
How's the children? 

Smith. Hey ! — they have been growing — that's Mag- 
gie there!— you left her in long clothes or thereabout, 
did you not ? 

Johnson. Why Maggie, I must kiss you ! I have 
often heard of you tho' 1 had no idea you were such a big 
girl ! — a regular woman ! — and where is Charles ? — he 
must have a beard now, eh ? 

Mrs. Smith. He has a slight moustache and I think 
is very proud of it — 

Smith. Of course you stay with us ? — 

Mils. S. I'll get your room ready ! — come along, 
Maggie ! (aside-) It is no use talking to him now. — 
(Exit ) 

Mar. I wish he had come some other day ! (Exit.) 

Smith. Well Johnson, I am awfully glad to see you ! 

Johnson, (looking round.) This does seem like old 
times! I can just fancy us two boys playing marbles in 
this corner and your good old father working there at 
that counter. — Do you recollect the day we had concealod 
a dog in a box there 



T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 15 

Smith, (laughing.) And how we forgot to feed him. 
Johnson, (laughing ) And he chawed up all the 
skins 

Smith, (laughing .)D'v\ not I catch it though that 
day ! 

Johnson, (laughing.) And how I cut and ran ! — 
Those were jolly days, Torn ! Well, and how is life with 
you now ? 

Smith. Pretty comfortable — I've made my little 
pile 

Johnson. I am glad to see you have stuck to the old 
ship, and not moved to some fandangled new place. — 

Smith. No indeed, though my wife has often been 
after me for that. — I have enlarged it — of course ; but 
I live right here; nothing like the master's eye! — the 
first at work in the morning,— the last to lock up things 
at night! — 

Johnson. That's the way to keep the old shell 
afloat ! 

Smith. You see, I am in for solid improvement all the 
time — but I don't believe in this new fashion of putting 
all the worth of your concern on the outside of the house 
in gilding and style for fools to stare at, and one fine 
day you go down crash with only a few shllings in your 
rocket ! No ; T. J Smith is at his old stand, like the 
Bank of England; — and what is good enough for the 
old Lady of Threadneedle street, is good enough for T. J. 
Smith ! (to LoRRiNER who has slipped in listening.) 
What are you doing here ? can't you attend to the counter? 

Johnson. Is that Charlie ? 

Smith. No ! One oi the hands — and a lazy bones into 
the bargain ! 

Johnson. I thought he could not be ; — he has an 
open smile that I have met on the banks of the Miss- 
issippi among the alligators— but where is Charles ? 

Smith. He is out now he'll soon be here; he is 

finishing his studies as a lawyer. 

Johnson. Lawyer? Why I thought you would have 
made a hatter of him. 

Smith. Well, he did not seem to care — and he likes 
the study of law ; — he has followed up all the necessary 
degrees ; he is always studying — he is now at some lee- 



16 T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. 

ture or debate ; — I found great hopes on the lad though 
he does not follow my line — He is a smart fellow ! — 

Johnson. Good ! let him be what he likes so long as 
he goes right ahead — Why, Maggie is old enough to be 
married eh ? 

Smith. I suppose so — 

Johnson. How about our pet plan of marrying her to 
my nephew ? — James Turner is a Dice fellow ; I have just 
seen him ; his business is good, and he is very clever ; — 
he has patented a "porous plaster" that i« taking like 
wild fire and he is giving the last touches to a "hair 
renewer" which he thinks will make his fortune They'd 
make a nice pair if they care for each other 

Smith. They would indeed. I don't know a lad I 
would give my girl to with a better heart. — He used to 
come very often and they seemed very friendly, like 
children who have known each other all their lives; 
I have often hoped it would be a match ; — but of late 
he does not seem to come so olten — 

Johnson. I'll see into that— Jim's letters were full 
of hopes to' that effect aud he was very anxious I should 
come to England, as he wanted me to he there when he 
t.roached the subject. — 1 think he fears the old lady, 
eh?— 

Smith. I dont know why he should — Sh Q likes the 
boy, I've heard her say so many a time ; I'll si cak to 
her about it, but there is no fear on that score, if the 
youngsters only fall in with each other ; and you know, 
old fellow, when T. J. Smith's daughter marries, there's 
$100,000 in the Bank of England for her portion ; and 
just as much for Charlie and that is outside of my bus-i 
Dess altogether; just laid aside for them. So, you tell 
young Turner, it is not to eve'y chap I'd give my money 
and my daughter, but he is welcome. 

Johnson. Thank you, old boy, I will. I'll run over 
to him again on my way to fetch my luggage at the sta- 
tion; Don't forget to speak to the old lady, eh ! I'd like 
to leave the youngsters regularly engaged before I so. 

Smith. I shan't forget. This evening we must have 
our old backgammon match ; — I bet you I can beat you 
yet ! (Exit Johnson.) I am glad the old boy has come 



T. J. SMITH, HA1TER 



again ! as he says it is like old times. Egad, I feel 
younger by twenty years ! (sings as he bustles round.) 

Enter Margaret (at the top of the stairs.) 

Margaret. Mamma ! come, he is all alone ! 

Enter Mrs. S. 

Mrs. S. (to Marg.) Here is a good opportunity. 

Margaret, (to Mrs. S.) Had I better remain ? 

Mrs. S. (to Margaret.) As you like ! — Yes, you 
may help to persuade him — 

Smith. Ah! you two are here again; Now what's 
up. eh ! — I am in a good humor now, you are likely to 
get what you want out of me 

Mrs. S. Well I am glad one can speak to you at 
last! — 

Smite. You don't mean to say you were afraid of 
Johnson ? Is it quite a great secret ? — eh ? 

Mrs. S. That's just what it is 

Smith. And you are greatly interested too, it seems, 
Miss, eh ? — 

Margaret (petting him.) Yes, indeed papa ! you dar- 
ling good pappy ! 

Smith. Just so! can't we be sweet when we want 
something, eh? — "darling good pappy" why of course I 
am ; I am always thinking about you ; why only just 
now I was talking about you with Johnson, and guess 
about what? about..... marrying you! — 

Mrs. S. (sharply.) To whom ? 

Smith. How, to whom? — why, mother, you know 

very well it has been going on long enough I 

should say ; with young Turner, of couiBe. Why are you 
both struck dumb, eh ? what's the matter with you both, 
anyhow ? 

Mrs. S. It is easy to see : it means simply that 6he 
does not care a bit for that fellow. 

Smith. Nonsense! why, Madge 

Mrs. S. Well, I tell you ; I know. 

Smith, Can't you let her speak for herself? — Speak 
out, Madge. Is that so? — Don't ycu care fur Jim? it 
D 



18 T. J. SMITH, HA1TER: 

had been understood you know, now, speak out !— 

have you fallen oat with him or whas ? 

Margaret — (hesitatingly.) No, we are good fmnd-* ; 
but I do not think I'd like him for a husband. 

Mrs. S. And I know she doesn't ! there! that is clear 
enough, is it not? — 

Smith. Well ! I am struct all of a heap — why ? what 
more do you expect? — here is a nice good-loosing, well- 
behaved young man whom you have known all your life, 
steady, good-tempered, with a good solid business — 
Mrs. 8. Why, that's just it! a nice business! to have 
your husband rolling pills or siirring-up hair oil all his 
life! 

Smith, (flaring up.) Mrs. Smith didn't your husband 
press hats all his life? — And let me tell you, I have 
known the day, when you would have loosed mighty 
blue, if I had ha^l no hats to i>ress ! 

Mr£. S. That's very different ! 1 did not have the edu- 
cation my daughter has received, nor her money either! 
When a gir! has been brought up as she has, iu an ele- 
gant boarding-school, with the best young ladies in the 
land for play-mates ; when she has been trained to shine 
in drawing-rooms one doe3 not poke her behind a counter. 

Smith. She need not be behind a counter and a drug- 
gist is a. man of education and has to go th rough a goo I 
deal of learning and they are well matched that way — 
and it is a good business where plenty of money can be 
made. 

Mrs. S. Thank goodness, she does not need that! we 
can afford t) give her a fine fortune of her own! But 
then there are oth-r ways of makiDg money without being 

a shopkeeper. ...I do not see why we should force our 

only daughter to marry against her will — 

Smith (getting warm.) Who on earth talks of forcing 
her? If sue does not want him — jhe need not have 
him ! — more fool she ! — ujb i iea of forcing hee to marry 
somebody! — who talss of forcing? — do i look like a 
father likely to force her to do anything against her will, 
eh? 

Marg. (throwing her arms round his neck.) My own 
dear good father ! 

Smith, (aside.) If James Turner saw this would'nt he 



T. J. SMI1H, HATTER. 19 

like it ! And Johnson who h gone to tell him to keep up 
a good heart and not be bashful ! | (aloud) Why on earth 
did vou not tell me so before? — 

Mrs. S. She was afraid — - 

Smith, [softening.) Afraid? afraid of whsbt ? — of 
worrying me? why, you sillv little girl, (taking Marg on 
his knee and sitting down ) Why should you be alraid ? — 
I only want to secure your happiness — and of course, if 
you do not think you can be happy with him, why that's 
all right ; all I cared for was that I have seen him grow 
up and know all about him ; and I'll say it again, I don't 
know a man I would trust the happiness of my child 
with, sooner than him: — but then, that is all right; — I 
am in no hurry to see you married ; — I am not running 
after sona-in laws, you are quite young enough and can 
afford to wait ; and indeed, Maggie, if it was'nt for the 
future , for the fear of leaving you alone, when the old 
folks are gone , if it was for myself alone, I'd much rather 
you'd never marry ; — You are quite rich enough to be a 
happy old maid. — 

Mrs. 8.— The idea !— 

Smith. Well, marriage for her, means parting for us — 
and I don't know that I shall ever be ready to part with 
my little girl; — but of course, some day, it will have to 
be... for your sake 

Marg. But papa, I don't want to leave you and 
mamma ! — even if I marry, I can see you every day ; we 
can live close by, and dine together and 

Smith.. That's all very well ; but that depends if it 
would suit your husband 

Marg Of course it will suit him; I know it will! — 
he said so (stops in confusion.) 

Smith, (rising.) Who said so? who's hel 

Marg. (blushing in a whisper.) Henry 

Smith. And who's Henry ? 

Mrs. vS. Well, Lord Lyndon there! — now you 

know all ! — 

^MITH. What? Lord Lyndon ? — that young man that 
buys so many hats ? 

Mrs. S. The same; — he loves Maggie, and he has 
proposed to her and his mother is actually coming to- 



20 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 

day to make a formal visit to us and get acquainted, so 
that everything may appear fair and square. 

Smith. Why, he is an earl? Why, women you are 
both crazy — ain't you ? 

Mrs. S* — No indeed, we are not! — but it is certainly 
an unexpected piece of good luck — 

Smith. That may all be, but I can't say I like the 
idea......... 

Mrs. S. And why not? — He is all we could wish — he 
is good looking, steady, pleasant, has a fine fortune, good 
expectations 

Smith. That is all very well, but I wish he were 
poorer and in our set 

Mrs. S. What nom-ense? Is it his fault if his family 
is as old as the hills? if he is an earl?— if his mother is 
Countess Lyndon and if his uncle is an Admiral ? — he is 
not a bit stuck up for all that ! why he himself is in busi- 
ness ; young as he is, is he not sub-director of the East 
Indian Citizen's Bank ? — is he not a principal share- 
holder in the Western midland Railroad ? — Why inste?d 

of fooling his time with cards, race-horses and you 

know what I mean Mr. Smith, there he is, at his age, 
quite a prominent man on the Stock Exchange, over head 
and ears in business — 

Smith. Business — pshaw ! that may be nothing else 
but another form of gambling, — some gamble with a 
couple of dice or a pack oi cards; others with horses and 
dogs and others with shares and Mock ; — I believe in good 
honest trade and not much in speculation — 

Mrs. S. Mr. Smith you know very well that what 
you say can't apply to him ! — he does not speculate with 
other people's money ; — he has his own solid fortune to 
invest and attend to ; and as for his being an earl and of a 
condition above us, why let me U 11 you. Thomas Joshua 
Smith, that when one is as rich as we, are we belong to 
all conditions — 

Smith That's all very well — but will you ever feel 
comfortable with this fine gentleman for a son-in-law? — 
with a lot of friends we don't know? — with tastes and 
habits that will be new to us ?— and all of them not under- 
stand our manners and our customs — 






T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 21 

Mrs. S. Gracious ! the way you talk ! one would think 
we were Efiquimaus ! — 

Smite. Well, that is about how they will look upon 
us ! — and the idea that for the sake of a fine gentleman, a 
good honest lad should be sacrificed, who loves you, Mag- 
gie who could make you happy 

Mrs. S. How can one be happy with a man one does 
not love? 

Smith. Love, love! — pshaw! — stuff and nonsense ! she 
liked him well enough before this other fellow came 
round ! — Love, pshaw ! — what does she know about love ? 
love will grow if you give it a chance! — 

Mrs. S. Ah! you would not have said that twenty- 
five years ago, Mr. fcfmith ! that's the trouble with trade, 
it stops every feeling ! — why if I had said to you, when 
you courted me, that — 

Smith. Oh if you begin to work upon my feelings, 
you know very well, I shall make a fool of myself. 

Mrs. S. Why has our married life been a happy one? 

Smith. Because we were of the same path in life; 
my father sold hats and yours, fruits and candy— i 

Mrs. S. Not at all Mr. Smith, not at all !— It is be- 
cause we loved each other! and I know, Tom, if 

they had forced me to marry somebody else and told me; 

— "never mind, you'll learn to love him later"I I 

should have died Tom ! — I know I would ! (cries 

OTi his shoulder.) 

Smith. Come, come Mary Ann ! — of course I mean 

when I say Idon't mean why let her 

marry whomever she pleases, so long as the man is not — 

Mrs. S. So long as the man is not the man she loves ! 
— Mr. Smith, I ought to have expected this ! — You al- 
ways were a tyrant ! (sits down sobbing.) 

Marg. Oh, papa! (sits down crying.) 

^miih. (going from one to. the other.) That's it ! put on 

the water-works! I am a tyrant! — Why, 

Madge, — you know very well, I am no tyrant! — I only 
want your happiness ; — you know that I care for you 
more than I can tell ; — I want to see you 'the wife of a 
good honest lad, who will be proud of your father and 
glad to see your mother ; — who will have no stuck-up re- 
E 



22 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 

latiens ; whose house will be mine, as miDe will be his; — 
who will slap me on the shoulder and say when he meets 
me "Hallo, old dad, come in and take pot luck ! " — eh 
that's what you want too, Mary Ann ? — And — and — - 

(violently ) Oh ! if you all keep crying why let her 

have her fine gentleman, — it she will have him ! and 

so long as you still love your old father 

Margaret, (springing up and hugging him.) Oh ! 
my dear good father ! — 

Mrs. S. (hugging him.) Now I know you again, 
Tom! — 

Smith Am I a tyrant Mrs. Smith ? — Did not I tell 
you, you'd make me make a fool of myself! 

Enter Johnson. 

Johnson I am back ! Don't mind me ! I've got to be 
in the secret, you know, sooner or later 

Smith, (aside, embarrassed) What on eartti am I to 
tell Johnson ? 

Johnson, (to Smith.) I have seen Jimmy — he's 
coming round as soon cs he can get rid of some cus- 
tomers; -and I came back to tell you in a hurry for I 
do not want to miss my dinner as 1 am awfully hunery. 
(to MaHG.) Well Maggie my girl, how do jpu Ike th ; 
plan ? — 

Margaret, (turning away from him.) What [ Ian do 
you mean ? (Exit tip stairs ) 

Johnson. Ob, Miss innocence! — as if you did not 
know t- — But 1 dare say, Mrs. S. knows all aoout it — eh ? 
What do you say about it, Mrs. S. ? 

Mrs. S. (turning away,) I have not the slightest 
idea of what you mean ! 

Johnson. How so ? 

Mrs. S. (to Smith as she ascends the staircase with 
Margaret.) Don't lor^et our agreement, Mr Smith ! 

Johnson, (following them to the foot of the staircase.) 
But surely you know what L mean 'I 

Mrs S. Please excuse me Mr. Johnson, I am in a 
hurry ! (Exit up stairs 

Johnson (turning toward Smith who is pretending to 
look round fov something , in order to conceal his uneasi- 
ness) Smith! 



T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. 23 

Smith, {trying to evade questions.) I am looking for 

my iron I had put it here and I have 

lost the bill tho.-e hands are so careless ! (calling.) 

Lorriner^ wnere is the bill? 

Johnson, (taking hiw by the arm.) Leave all this 
alone and explain to me — have you spoken to your 
wife ? — 

Smith. Ye? — 

Johnson. Well what does she gay ? 

{Smith. Well — ugh ugh she ugh — 

Johnson. Does not she like the plan ? 

Smith. Well, no. — To tell you the truth she does not 
like iV at all, — at all ; — 

Johnson. Aud Maggie? — what does she think of it? 

Smith. Well Maggie, she does not think she 

would like it either like her mother— 

Johnson. Why, what has changed their feelings to- 
ward James ? 

Smith Well ..U2h ugh a father must 

sacrifice his wishes to those of his children and my 

choice ol course, — aud then you see her education — 

f-he was five years in the most stylish boarding school— 
and has acquired different tastes from mine — and of 

course she has (dashing in) in fact a young 

lord stands a better chance than poor James ! — 

Johnson. What do you mean ? 

Smith. I mean that it seems he has proposed to Mag- 
gie—she favors him — his family is very old very old, 

Johnson. (snappisJily.) So old, I suppose, that no- 
body can tell where they came from 

Smith. 1 can't object to him ; he has an independent 
fortune of Lis own and a title besides, which of course is 
no disparagement — 

Johnson. Ana what is his name? 

Smith. Lyndon Lord Lyndon. 

Johnson. There is an Admiral of that name? 

Smith. Lord Lyndon is his nephew. — 

Johnson, (whistling.) I say — Smith ! — that's in the 

real upper ten, — my boy ! well, I suppose 1 must 

congratulate you, though it kind of well I am 

ashamed to say, but it it — knocks me on the head! — 

Smith, (sadly) Johnson — it nearly breaks my heart! 



24 T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. 

I am the one to suffer most from it, — It seems to me that 
Maggie married in this way, will be more separated from 

me than if sh£ were in the Sandwich Islands but yet 

what can I ao ? — he is all wo can wish in a son-in law, 
and they love each other, — Maggie has set her heart on 
it ; — the old woman is raving about it; and she calls me 
tyrant because I don't rush in ecstacies ! — 

Johnson, (sighing.) Well, I suppose there is no help 
for it; the best to be done is to think the least of it, look 
at the brighdtside and steer clear of clouds ; — it has 
rather taken my breath away and I even nearly forgot I 
was hungry ! 

Smith. That'so ! — when is dinner coming? — (speaking 
through the speaking tube ) Hurry up dinner ! 

Enter Lorriner. (rushing in.) 

Lor. Mr. Smith, there is a grand private carriage at 
the door and a lady is stepping out !! — 

Smith, (looking through the glass partition.) Lord 
Lyndon! — that must be hi* mother! (calling,) Mary 
Ann ! Maggie ! Mary ! Here I am in my apron ! (rush- 
ing round.) Where is my coat? — my coat? Lorriner, — 
don't let them enter through the store ! — my coat ! — Too 
late!— 
Johnson. They are sailing in this way ; — 8y up stairs 

and get another coat ! (Exit Smith upstairs ; Johnson 

retires in a corner.) 

Enter Lord Lyndon, Lady Lyndon, 

Lady L. Well, Henry I certainly never expected to 
come to such a place as this to search for a daughter-in- 
law ! — when you could have had your choice of all the 
best matches in town ! I am afraid I am a foolish mother 
to humor your fancy so far ; I hope this weakness of mine 
will be forgiven me! I feel as if I was marching to your 
execution ! — (looking through her eyeglasses.) but, is this 
what is called a back store? Are there any skins here? It 
smells queer, does it not! — You don't mean to say they 
live here? 

Lyndon. In the house above, mother — they have a 
nice comfortable home there— I ought not to have stopped 



, 



T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 25 



at the store; I ought to have told James to ring at the 
house door ; but he is so accustomed to come this way 

Lady L. Ah ! if I did not know that this girl is backed 
by an ample fortune and a good, substantial inheritance 
from her parents in the future — I should never have 
consented ! — But your threat of going to India, and leav- 
ing a fine position here for that wretched climate — if I 

refused my son, I tell you truly you are pitting my 

affections to a s-rong test this morning! I do it under 
protest : — of course if it has to be done, it may be done 
pleasantly, and avoid scandal — but I assure you, Henry, 
your wife will have to be very charming indeed to make 
me like her ! 

Lyndon. Oh ! mother you'll learn to love her as I 
do!— 

Enter Smith, (coming down stairs buttoning his coat.) 

Smith. Here I am! Sir, Madam, I beg pardon 

Lyndon. Mr. Smith — allow me to introduce my 
mother to you — 

Smith, (awkwardly.) Why certainly ! — in fact it is I 
who have the honor of introducing myself! — 

Johnson, (aside seated behind the counter.) Those two 
will never sail together ! 

Lady L. Perhaps we interfere at this time of the day, 
with your occupation — 

Smith, (embarrassed.) Not at all, not at all, on the 

contrary ! It is I who interfere won't you sit down ? 

— won't you take something? eh ! a glass of wine ? — per- 
haps a cool glass of beer? — what you like? 

Lady L. (smiling.) Nothing thank you ! we have 

just left the breakfast table — I am come you are 

very probably informed of my son's intentions 

— I am come to make the acquaintance of your charming 
daughter 

Smith, (shuffling uncomfortably.) Certainly. and 

my charming wife too (aside.) Why don't they 

come down ! (aloud.) I beg your pardon — but your lady- 
ship knows* the womenfolks are never ready ! 

always late! always late ! 



26 T. J. SMITH, HATTER 



Johnson, (aside.) I don't see much prospect of a 
dinner for me — 

Smith. Oh! yon are not comfortable on that chair! — 
wouldn't you prefer an armchair 

Lady L. No — I am quite comfortable, thank you ! 

Smith. But you would be better on an armchair — 
(calling ) Lorriner ! — Go up stairs and fetch an armchair ! 
—(to Lyndon.) My dear sir—just lay down your hat ; 
let me take it! (takes the hat and mechanically "brushes it 
with his sleeve.) 

Enter Margaret. 

Marg. Lord Lyndon ! 

Enter Mrs. Smith (curtsying deeply.) 

Mrs. S. And his mother, I suppose ? 

Lyndon. Yes, my dear Mrs. Smith — my mother who 
has kindly acquiesced to my wish and is anxious to make 
your acquaintance. 

Mrs. S. Why my lady, this is quite an honor. Thi9 
is my daughter ! 

Lady L. (to Margaret.) Let me kiss you my dear 
girl — I have heard a great deal about you, but I must 
say, I do not think the description was at all flattered. 

Smith, (to Johnson.) She's very nice ! 

Johnson Very nice! (aside ) I wish I could say as 
much of the dinner ! — 

Enter Lorriner carrying a large leather armchair. 

Lor. Room! here's the armchair ! 

Mrs. S. Goodness gracious ! Why did you fetch that 
horrible old thing ? — 

Lorriner. (hugging the chair.) Why, its the most 
comfortable ! Master always take3 his after-dinner nap on 
it! 

Mrs. S. Carry it away ! — bring me the yellow satin 
one, by the fire place. 

Lady L. Please don't Mrs. Smith ! 

Mrs. S. And the blue velvet foot stool ! 

Lyndon. I beg you to give yourself no trouble 

Mrs. S. Oh ! it's no trouble — he's there for that! — 



T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 27 



Johxson. (aside ) As I suppose there's no chance of 
a dinner now, for several hours I'll step into a restaurant; 
then I'll go back to my poor nephew and tell him all his 
hopes are gone adrift ! (Exit unperceived,) 

Mrs. S. (to LjJ6y L.) I am really ashamed to re- 
ceive you in this/way ! 

Lady L. Please don't mention it. 

Smith. Wouldn't you prefer going up stairs in the 
parlor ? 

Mrs. S. Ah! Mr. Smith, how can you ! — this horri- 
ble staircase!— of course, if the Countess had come in by 

the hall-door — but now she's here unless we go 

round by the street 

Smith, That's so ! — this winding staircase is a nui- 
sance but you see, my lady, in business we have got to 
put up with many things. 

Lady L. Of course ; you sacrifice the present to the 
future — It is very natural and wise. 

Smith, (turning to where Johnson was.) She's very 
nics, very nice. — Where is he gone to? — 

Lady L. But now all this will soon end. — You'll 
6oon be able to enjoy the results of your sacrifices — when 
you quit your business — 

Smith, (taken abaeh.) Ma'am ? — I beg your par- 
don I did not quite hear 

Lady L. I said — tha't when you give up your busi- 
ness, as you soon shall 

Smith. Quit the business !— Oh no, my lady, I am too 
fond of it. — I intend to die in business 

Lady L. Well, but if your daughter is mar- 
ried 

Smith. Well, that won't prevent my going on with the 
concern. — I am still hale and hearty 

Lady L, (seriously ) I must have misunderstood my 
son ; (to Lyndon.) did you not tell me, Henry, that it 
was agreed that Mr Smith should 

Lyndon. These ladies had certainly led me to 
hope 

Smith. What? — that I should give up my business ? — 

Mrs S. Why, of course, dear. — It is a natural conse- 
quence. 

Smith, (getting excited) What is a uatural conse- 



28 T J. SMITH, HATTER. 

quence ? — it is not natural ! — there is no consequence ! — 
did you ever, Johnson ? — (turning) where the devil is 
he?— 

Mrs. S. My dear ! — before the Countess ! 

Smith. My lady, will excuse me, but you must under- 
stand — what on earth am I to do with myself without 
my business — 

Lady L. Oh ! we'll provide you with occupation, 
Mr Smith ! — I think we could secure you a borough with 
our influence — 

Smith, (stiffly.) I beg your pardon ; — but I could not 
represent it properly.— I am not cut for parliament — 
If I had thought myself good lor the House, I could have 
got myself in, long ago, without your influence. — I did 
not know you despised my trade so much, Lord Lyndon ; 
1 never thought it could put anyone to the blush before — 

Lady L. (soothingly.) Oh ! Mr. Smith it is not for 
myself or my son that 1 am speaking ! —These young peo- 
ple love each other and we are both agreed to let them 
be happy ; of course, you and I, seek nothing but their 
happiness, eh ? Well, you see, my son is also in business; 
he is sub-director of a bank; — he is on a E-ail Road board 
of management, ; — all this brings him in contact with 
people whom he must please ; — an uncle of his, is iu 
official life ; — his influence depends from very high peo 
pie ; — their leelings. their prejudices, if you like, must be 
considered ; — if my son were to break thiough certain con- 
ventional rules, most absurd 1 admit, which I do not ap- 
prove of, but still which it i« policy to respect, you 

understand, — there are considerations in business which 

must be taken notice of; you are such a business 

man yourself that you must well understand what I 
mean; — I know you do ; — a man of your inteligence, — of 
course, comprehends. 

Smith, (embarrassed,) well, of course I under- 
stand that is, — I don't see 

Makg. Oh, dear papa! do that for me! We 

(hall all love you so ! — we'll all take such good care of 

you ! why should you go on working so hard it is 

time you should rest and enjoy yourself. I shall be so 
glad when you'll ba able to come and see me all day long 
with mother ! — Is it not so Henry? 



T J. SMITH, HATTER. 29 

Lyndon. Why certainly — Our home will be yours — 
we don't intend to leave you any time to devote to your 
business. 

Mrs. rf. You could not attend properly to it. — Now 
Thomas be reasonable ! 

Marg. Do — dear papa, do give it up for my sake ! 

S. If you all set up against me well I sup- 
pose I must 

Marg. Mrs. S. (kissing him) Dear papa ! — Dear 
husband ! 

Smith, (half angry.) That's all right; you wanted 
me to do it ; — it is a plot; — you've got it, now that will do. 

Lyndon. Mr Smith I shall never forget the sacrifice 
you have made for me this morning — 

Lady L. Mr Smith your conduct is above any possi- 
ble praise — It is what we parents have to do all our 

live?: Sacrifice our tastes to our children's future 

they are all in all to us ; — but now all this is settled; — 
we must have nothing else in view but to hasten their 
happiness. — i 'orae and spend the afternoon with me my 
dear Mrs. Smith; aud of course my dear daughter Mar- 
garet must come too, or Henry will be inconsolable ; and 
Mr Smith could come in for dinner and pass the eve- 
ning. — We dine at seven. — I want to drive round to my 
attorney's to give him the necessary directions about our 
family papers and settlements. Henry can leave me 
there and drive back to fetch you — that will give you 
time to get ready — No ceremony my dear Mrs. Smith. 
Just a bonnet and shawl — we'll be all by ourselves — 

Mrs. S. Delighted, your ladyship ; we shall be de- 
lighted — 

Laijy L. Give me another kiss, Margaret, before I 
go — and I think now we could allow Henry to do the 
same ; well, we'll see each other in a little while, so we 
won't say good Dye ! (Lyndon gives his arm to his 
mother. Exeunt through the front store.) 

Smith. Not through the store! — here's the home door 
this way ! 

Mrs. S. Come on, Maggie! we must dress up in a 
hurry. — Put on your nice blue dress and your white hat. 
(Exeunt upstairs.) 

G 



30 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 

Smith. I have given my word ! I wish I had'nt — 

and Johnson sneaking away just as he might have been of 
some use to me ! — Who would have guessed that I should 
ever consent to this ! — Give up mv business ! — why I have 
livfd here since I was a child and I certainty thought I'd 
die here 

Enter Johnson. 

Johnson. Here I am ! 

Smith, {gruffly.) It is high time ! — 

Johnson. W e i) t I was hungry ; — and I knew it would 
take time to go through all t. e arrangements and emo- r 

tions ; hut I'll tell you some other piece of news — 

While I was eating my dinner all by my self, I thought 
I'd had enough of traveling You see, I did not feel that 
way, when I landed in foreign ports ; — but now, that I 
have struck London a^ain and seen you all — I said to 
myself what's the use of pas-ing the rest", of my life far 
from pverybody that cares for old Ja.ok? — so, do you 
know? I made up my mind I'd resign on halfpay ! — 
I'll live with James round the corner poor ; lad, that 
kind of so ( tened the blow for him too — for, of cours", 
I went to tell him it was no use his thinking of Maggie 
any more; so you see, if you part with Maggie, you'll 
have me ; every evening I'll corne round for my old game 
of backgammon — eh, old boy; how's that ? 

] orriner. (rushing in.) Ah ! Mr. Smith, is that so ? 
are you g^ing to s^ll me concern ? 

Johnson. Hey? what? what does he say? — sell the 
concern ? you?.... 

Smith, (reluctantly) Well yes .Ihavegotto 

if not no mamagp — 

Johnson And you have given in again ? 

Smith. Well L had to ; — they all were after me — 

Johnson. Of course; — you ought to have known 
that these fine folks would blush to have a hat in their 
coat-of arms — 

Smith, (trying to repeat the words of the Countess ) 
No it is not that — but consideration which must in- 
fluence us ; and prejudices which we must sacrifice 

to our affections and our love for our children . 

and if you had heard how they promised what they 



T. J. SMI1H, HATTER. 31 

paii] and though I said they said and 

— by the bye why were you not there to help me 

out? 

Johnson. I had gone to take dinner — 

Smith. But you staid so long ! 

Johnson. I'll tell you ; I went to the coffee-house 
round the corner and in the next room some youngsters 
were playing billiards; — they came in and asked me to 
be umpire — ot course I had to see the game through 

Enter Charles. 

Charles. Why father, I have just heard that it is all 
settled about Maggie. 

Johnson, (aside) Why that is one of my young 
billiard-players ! 

Chas. I hear you have also decided to give up 

Smith. Yes by the by, where have you been? — 

Chas. I have just come back from the debate. 

Johnson, (aside.) Ah — my poor friend Smith, I fear 
you are not. through your troubles yet! — (Charles per- 
ceives Johnson, recoynizes him and makes him sign to keep 
his secret Jrom his father — Johnson threatens him with 
/<?.* rtick.) 

Smith. By the by! — Johnson, this is Charlie; my 
boy, this is rav old chum, Jack Johnson, you hear me 
sp»-nk of so often how do you like the lad, Johnson ? 

Johnson, (shaking Charlie's hand and looking at 
him. sieadily) lie's what one calls a smart lad, I sup- 
pose 

Enter Lyndon. 

Lyndon. My dear father in-law, are the ladies ready ? 

Smith. I'll see. (goes to the staircase.) 

Charlie, (to Johnson.) Please, sir, don't tell my 

father 

t Johnson. I shan't this time. But if I catch you fib- 
bing, again — you young rascal 

Enter Mrs. Smith, and Margaret. 

Mrs. S. and Marg. (coming down the staircase Here 
we aie! here we are ! 



32 T. J. SMI7H, HATTER. 

Lyndon. The carriage is at the door, (offering his 
arm to Mrs. S.) — You'll follow soon, won't you. father ? 

Smith. I will, I will ! (Charles offers his arm to his 
sister.) I'll be round for dinner — seven o'clock, you 
said — 

Johnson, (aside.) Well, I am glad I did not wait for 
dinner here ! 

ACT II 

A richly furnished drawing room — Lord Lyndon's man- 
sion in London — side doors and doors in the middle — sofa 
to the left. Horace Graham in evening dress, giving 
directions to servants in livery. Ryan. 

Hor. As you saw it the other night, at the German 
Embassy — flowers on each step of the staircase ; the car- 
pet must be placed in the centre of the hah — t s the head- 
waiter here? 

Ryan. Yes sir — here he iW. 

Hor. Have you got the bill of fare ? Waiter (hands 

it on a silver plate.) Well good! (reading.) Oh! 

but the wines ! not select enough ! — sherry and cham- 
pagne ! pshaw! a regular tradesman's dinner! we must 
have Chateau — Laffitte, Tokay and Johannisberg ! — we 
have foreign financial magnates, and we must show our 
best to-night— -impress that on the chief cook, will you? 

and also tell him to have more forced fruit he has 

only put here what is in season ! — never mind the expense; 
tell him to ransack the hot-house, and not to think of the 
cost; he does not pay the bill. 

Ryan, (aside.) No more does he ! 

Hor. That's all ! (Exeunt servants.) Splendidly kept 
house this! (lolling back on the sofa.) especially since I 
have taken it in hand !— Poor Lyndon did not understand 
much about keeping house — I had to put him up to some 
Bhow of style ; he is the same in his business ; timid, 
afraid of taking any risks — I have to prove to him, in 
white and black, that a man of his name and rauk can't 
make a >-how in this world without at least double his for- 
tune. I must go on telling him that money makes money 
and that he must take some risks. I have made myself 
invaluable to him both in business and home matters, and 



T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 33 

egad, I have a snug berth here! if tha lady of the house 
were not so confoundedly shy and reserved ! Ha. well, I 
may perhaps work my way through with her too; all I 

need is an opportunity but it is awfully hard work 

sometimes to persuade a man he is a genius ; deuced hard 
Why, hallo, Lyndon, where have you been? 

Enter Lord Lyndon. 

Lyndon. Jus-t made a few business calls — 

Hcr. 1 can't see how you can stand it! Always so 
bu-y and energetic! — have you come from the bank? 

Lyndon. Yes. They are favorable to my organizing 
this company and I think the House of Commons will 
vote favorably on the bill — As soon as that is done, the 
thing seems sure and safe. 

Hor. Splendid affair ! Why you'll be a millionaire in 
no time with it ! — what a head you have for business to 
be sure ! — it is a grand idea ! 

Lyndon. The preliminaries are all very well, very 
safe; but of course I must get this german millionaire 
baron to look favorably on the plan ; if I can only in- 
duce him to throw some capital in it I fjund great 

hopes on this dinner-party to night. If my mother can 
only induce him to accept my invitation, and if every 

tning impresses him favorably here, then Ihe Lord 

Chancellor of the Exchequer is coming — I have his accept- 
ance; my german baron will find solid government in- 
fluence on a social footing with me — do you see the moral 
effect on him, hey ? If those two men meet in my house 
a^d the surroundings are impressive — the thing succeeds. 
I hope preparations for to-night are all of the best — if you 
think of anything that can improve the appearance in 
any way, have it without consulting me — I am too much 
occupied with the more serious features of the affair and 
may have overlooked manv a little detail — but to-night 
nothing must be left undone ! — Where's Lady Lyndon ? — 

Hor. I have not seen her; but I think she is coming 
now 

Enter Ma eg a ret. 

Lyndon. Why, Margaret, I expected to s.e you 
dressed for dinner by this time ! 



34 T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. 

Marg. I am dre.=sed, Henry. 
Lyndon. How so ? 

HoR. Lady Lyndon is always charming! beauty un- 
adorned 

Lyndon. My dear Margaret, very probably you do 
not understand the importance I attach to this dinner- 
party ; I wish to impress the high financial magnates I ex- 
pect to-night with the ampleness ol my means and the 
solidity of my resources ; great success depends on 
the right impression being given to-night — I wish you 
to look your best, and to wear your most elegant dress. — 
By the bye ! — I intended to have selected a new set of 
diamonds for you for the occasion ! — the Lyndon diamonds 
are old fashioned in the setting — and besides my mother 
will wear them. I want you to be dazz'.ing to-night — 
Horace, will you run down to tarr & Waterman's, and 
select a complete set for me? — the most brilliant you can 
get — 

Hor. I'll do rny best — though I may not find any- 
thing worthy enough of Lady Lyndon's beauty. (Exit.) 

Lyndon. Now my dear Margaret, your brilliant 
appearance is secured — I want >ou to sparkle with your 
merriest wit; you do not i- now how much depends on our 
success to night! — it we can win this german financier for 
this Company I am organizing, its Huccess is assured — my 
mother is nearly sure of his coming — you'll have to take 
th9 Lord Chancellor in to dinner : do your best; I want 
my guests to see that I made a happy choice lor society, 
when I married you — have yon seen the drawing-room ? 

Marg. Not yet. 

Lyndon. Why, what have you been doing all day ? — 

Marg. (sadly.) I have been writing letters ; it is so 
long since 1 had news ! 

Lyndon. News of what ? — 

Marg. Of father and mother ! — 

Lyndon. Oh, yes. 

Marg. It is six month3 now since they went to Wales; 
they have bought property there and I fear they are so 
engaged with it that they nearly forget me — 

Lyndon. You know, dear, no news >s good news. 
They enjoy themselves in their way and you must do the 
same here — I do not want you to look sad, dearest, to- 



T. J. SMI1H, HATTER 35 

night. I wish you to be just as merry and pretty as you 
can be for my sake — My dear little love, you must go and 
dress ; there is no time for trifling. I must go out again 
and on my return I expect to find Margaret, Countess 
Lyndon under arms — (takes her to her room and kisses 
her.) Ryan ! tell the coachman to wait for me at my 
b'oker's — 

Enter Ryan, (hat in hand ) 

Ryan. Yes my lord — there is a man wants to see 

you 

Lyndon. Say I am out ! — I have no time. (Exit.) 
Servant. — (putting on his hat) Just as I expected — 

these fellows think that we rich folks have nothing to do 

but to listen to them ! 

Enter Smith. 

Smith, (coming in.) I'll walk in any how — never 
mind announcing me — 

Ryan. My lord is gone out, sir, so you had better do 
so too, I suppose. 

Smith, (beckons to him.) Look here, friend, take that 
off ! — there ! (takes his hat off) that is better — now you 
can speak ! 

Ryan. Sir ! — 

Smith, (in a severe tone.) I am civil to servants, and 
expect servants to be civil to me ! (sitting) if Lord Lyn- 
don is out, Lady Lyndon must be in ! 

Ryan. My Lady is dressing and has no time to see 
you ; il you won't go quietly I'll have to 

Enter Margaret. 

Marg. That voice ! my dear fatner ! 

Ryan (aside.) Her father !— 

Smith, (embracing her.) My darling ! my little Mag- 
gie ! Go out, I say ! (to Ryan who stares. Exit Ryan) 

Marg.- Have you any complaints to make against 
him? 

Smith. None; I am only too glad to see you at last ; — 
Why how pretty you look ! you are beautiful, darling j — 
my beautiful girl ! (kissing her.) 



36 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 

Marg. Tell me about mother ! — 

Smith. She's in town ! but the train gave her a head- 
ache — so she went home to lay down awhile and 1 carne 
straight here We have only just arrived, by the 2 10 
train. She'll be here in a little while, in time ior dinner ; 
how '8 your brother? 

Marg. Charles is w«-ll — I do not see him often — but 
I hear from him daily from Horace Graham. 

Smith. I suppose he is kept busy with study and at- 
tending the courts— Did you see what ni e business 
rooms I set up for him before I left?— No? — Wei! you 
must go and see them ; everything in style ; parlor in dark 
green velvet with bronze ornaments and black marble; 
every thing serious but comfortable ; nice Axminister car- 
pet, periodicals, newspapers, every thing to induce clients 
to wait. Then in his private study, book rases all round 
the wall; my! you ought to have seen the bookseller's 
bill! more than the upholsterer's! — stands with pigeon 
holes, compartments, drawers ! — busts of celebrated law- 
yers, desks of all shapes— student's lamps, every thing in 
short. Then his bedroom ! — as cozy as can be and a nice 
dining-room, that may also do for a second parlor in case 
he does not want two clients to meet — I think they ar* 
the nicest lawyer's rooms in the city — of course, it will 
take him time, to get some cases — but Maggie, the day 
I shall see him, in wig and gown pleading a case, will be 
the happiest day of my life ! 

Marg. Dear good fathei ! 

Smith. Your husband seems to be doing well eh ! 
every thing is got up in style, here ! and a regiment of 
servants in the hall ; and — law ! — look at your dress ! — 
won't mother like to see you, though! Won't t-he turn 
you round and round ! You look a little pale and sad ? 
Anything worrying you ? 

Marg. No ! — only I did not hear from you — 

Smith. Well, we did not write because we were com- 
ing. If that is all that worries you, it is all over now, 
for we are come to settle down in London for nood. 
When you were on your wedding tour, you know I sold 
my concern and bought a nice villa in Kensington ; that 
is where your mother is now ; we'll stay there till sum- 
mer, though I may run over to Wales to see after the 



T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. 37 



farms there — you see, darling, I must keep busy, now 
that I have let go the hats. I have bought your mother 
a beautiful place near Swansea — you'll have to come 
down and see it; there are five farms connected with 
it and they will keep me going and thinking; there's a 
fine track of forest and a little river, I want to build some- 
thing there — don't know what yet — have to find out. 
Now dear girl, I am so glad to s*e you ! — I have not set 
my eves on you since your wedding day — you went off 
to the Continent and before you returned we were off 
ourselves on a tour of old England ! — well, well, we shall 
see enough of each other now ! — we have both done gad- 
dins about ! — we are going to keep our promise — we are 
coming to stay a few days with you till mother gets things 
in running order in the new house— > 

Marg. Oh I am so glad ! — (Rings enter Kyan.) 
Ryan, see that the large bedroom facing mine is put in 
readiness for this evening! — (Exit Servant bowing) 

Smith. Maggie, I can't get it into my head you are 
Lady Lyndon — you are my own little Maggie yet! — 
law ! shan'i we have lots to sav ! Oh, by the bye, do you 
know wh*t I have heard? — the youngster that bought 
my concern is dragging it down terribly ! — does not 
understand the business ; the work is not turned out 
carefully, everything is botched ! — I hate to see the dear 
old thing going to rack and ruin ! (sighing) however, I'll 
console my self with you both ! — who's that ? Is that 
Henry? — Don't say anything, I want so surprise him — 

Enter LYnDON. 

I.V5D0N. (speaking outside.) Everything seems going 
right — they all take interest in it— 

Smith, (hugging him.) Good, day Henry ! I'm so glad 
to see you ! 

Lyndon, (disengaging himself.) Who's that ? 

Smith. Why, that's me! ha ha ha ! 

Lyndon. Oh ! Mr. Smith ! excuse me, the sur- 
prise 

Smith. Ye* ain't it a surprise ? 

Lyndon. Why yes quite a. surprise 

why, Mr. Smith ! this is unexpected !— 



38 T J. SMITH, HATTER 

Smith. Now — why don't you call me father, hey ? — 
you're my son you know ! — you did not expect me hey ! 
ha ha ! 

Lyndon. Well, no can I do anything for you ? 

Smith. No — thank you, much obliged — I only came 
round to see my girl. I said to myself — " I'll come down 
plump on the whole lot of 'em — and then I shall see if 
they make my girl happy !'' 

Lyndon. Well? 

Smith. Well, she has just told me she's as h?ppy as 
she can be. 

Lyndon, (shaking Margaret's hand.) My dear Mar- 
garet — I am very glad to hear it — 

Smith (aside?) Well, did you ever? — shakes her 
hand? — why I would have kissed my old lady and 
given her such a hug ! — but I suppose mat is the way in 
the upper ten — (aloud) well, my dear boy, you see I 
have taken yuu at your word. On your wedding day, 
you said to me — "Come and stay with us some time father, 
when we return ; you must consider our home yours !" — 
so here I am ! 
■ Lyndon, (politely ) Ah ! very glad to hear it. 

MArg, Yes ! — and I have had the room next to mine 
prepared ior them ! 

Lyndon, (taken aback.) Ah ! you have already 

had the room prepared — oh, I see certainty, cer- 
tainly. 

Smith, (rubbing his hands.) Yes, yes, every thing is 
settled, my boy ! we have arranged matters splendidly 
without you ! 

Enter Augustus Cla.verland and Horace Graham. 

Hor. My dear Lyndon, allow me to introduce to you 
the Honorable Augustus Claverland, one of our most 
fashionable young men! 

Lyndon. I am very happy to make your acquaint- 
ance, 

August. I am indebted to my dear friend G-aham for 
the pleasure 



T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 39 

Enter Ryan followed by two gentlemen in full evening 
dress. 

Ryan, (announcing) Mr. Cotnpton — Mr. Blanchard 
(salutations.) 

Smith, (to Horace.) Why, if that is not our young 
friend Graham ! why how are you, my boy ? 

Hon. (aside.) Mercy ! (aloud) Why if that is not....,,.. 
Mr. Smith ! 

Smith, (heartily.) lam just out of the train — and of 
coarse, rushed straight here! — home! ha ha ha! you 
know the song, (sings) there is no place like home! 

Horace, (interrupting him.) Of course — of course — 

Why Mr. Smith I am so glad to see you ! just one 

moment (to London.) This a stunner, Lyndon! what 
on earth are you going to do with him ? 

Lyndon (despondently.) Heaven only knows — I 
don't!— I'm at my wit's end! 

Smith (turning Horace round.) And how is your 
other friend — my boy Charles — eh ? 

HoR. Oh, very well indeed! — hard at work 

giasping the law and how is dear Mrs. Smith? 

Smith. As usual splendid! — she's coming in a 

fe.v minutes. 

Horace, (aside.) The deuce she is ! 

Augustus (to Horace ) Whom have you got hold of? 

Horace, (to Augustus.) A crank, my dear boy 

Do you want to see something rich? — here give me your 
hat! (takes Aug's hat ) 

Augustus, (to Horace ) Does he perform legerde- 
main tricks ? 

Hi r. You'll see! (turning to Smith who takes 

hold of the hat mechanically and brushes it with his 
sleeve.) Why, have you not seen Charlie yet? 

Smith. No — I tell you we have only just come from 
the station ; we have been six months in South Wales and 

all over the country ! Out, tell me — he must be very 

learned now, is he not? 

Horace, (taking the hat and returning it to Augustus 
and tahing Mr. Compton's he gives it to Smith who 
brushes it mechanically.) Learned? — why I should say 
so! why, he is like a well of learning! — you cannot see 
the end of his knowledge ! 



40 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 

Smith. Well, I am glad to hear it ! — real glad ! I have 
spared nothing to make the lad succeed. He has had all 
the opportunities and money he wanted — You know I 
fitted him up an elegant lawyer's office, even before he 

needed one — before he took his decrees ! by the by 

— you can tell me ! how many final examinations are 
there? — I thought there was only one 

Hor. Oh dear no! several five six, some- 
times ten! — that depends on the caprice of the faculty! — 
some years there are more — some years less — this year 
there have been quite a number. 

Smith. That's what I thought. Charlie wrote <ne to 
ask money for so many final degrees, that I thought the 
poor boy was getting worked too hard — 

Hor. (same business with, Mr Blanciiard's hat) 
Well he has really studied hard, very hard 

Smith. And now that he is a real lawyer 

Margaret, (aside seeing her father brushing the hat.) 
Father, father? what are you doing? Don't brush that 
hat ! (she returns to her group.) 

Smith. Hey? ah to be sure — an old habit ! — I beg 

your pardon (to himself.) who is the hatter who has 

turned out this hat, I wonder ?— (looks it all over) Mercv 

— what trash! Oh! (seeing the name inside.) Ah! 

well I am not astonished ! — he never could turn out a 
neat job. (Mr. Compton takes his hat back with a bow, 
and the youug men giggle together) 

Enter Ryan. 

Ryan, (announcing.) Lady Lyndon ! Admiral Lyn- 
don ! 

Lyndon. My dear mother, I am delighted to see yon 
persuaded my uncle to come. 

Lady L. It took me some trouble to get him to ac- 
company me his wounds are giving him trouble 

again. 

Admiral, (to Margaret.) But I could not resist the 
pleasure of kissing my pretty niece. 

Smith, (aside) The whole family here! how 

lucky I came to-day — we'll all be together ! 



T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 41 

Lady L My dear Margaret — you look pale ! don't 
ycu feel well? 

Smith, {advancing towards her) Oh that is nothing 

ma am I mean my lady. I beg your pardon — she 

always was so in company — shy, very shy j customers al- 
ways scared her ; she'd rush out of the back store when 
she'd pee t Ienty of them coming! 

Lady L. Sir ? 

Smith Your humble servant, my lady! glad to see 
you look so well ! Why, don't you know me again ? T. 

J. Smith, the hatter! why we walked arm-in-arm 

the day of the wedding. 

Lady L. (coldly.) Oh certainly of course 

excuse me — my eyesight is very weak 

Smith, (good naturedly.) It is a great pity you 

ought to wear spectacles— 

Lyndon, (aisde.) I am on red hot irons ! — 

Smith. I would have known you anywhere ! my eye- 
sight is strong; very; but I have had to wear glasses 
when at work in the shop — could not have turned out 
any decent job without "Well I am real glad to see you 
look so well, barring the eyes— and really it don't 
nfiow ! — Our acquaintance has been very short — but we'll 
make up for lost time now ! — I have come back to settle 
down for good and we shall see plenty of each other here- 
after ! — and may be — we may have to march again 

to church together some time or other.eh ; — you know — 
there might be a christening! — such things will happen — 
what do you say, Maggie, eh ! eh ! 

Lady L. (to Admiral ) My dear brother — give me 
your arm. I feel like fainting— I can't stand this! — 

Admiral, (to Lady L. giving his arm.) My dear 
sister, I had foreseen all this and warned you | Lyndons 
cannot marry a Smith without painful incident ; money 
cannot smooth down certain things. It was a rash step 
to take — but now that it is taken, you must go through 
it with a good face and like a Lyndon. Now that this 
honest fellow has been brought into our family he 
is to be treated with all the respect due to a Lyndon, 
and I will not stand bv (speaking louder and walking 
ivith Lady L. towards the group of young men vjho are 
taughing) and see him insulted. I lake him under my 



42 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 

protection and who eneers at him, insults me ! (the group 
becomes serious and disperses Exit with Lady L ) 

Smith, (who had noticed their giggling, aside) What 
on earth are they laughing at ? — they are all in evening 
dress, I see, and I have my traveling jacket on; pshaw !' 
why did not Maggie tell me? — I'll just hail a cab — fly 
home, and tell the mother to dress up too ! (goes to Mar- 
garet.) You ought to have told me, Madge, about my 
dress, but luckily I am up to society manuers — I'll Flip 
off, dres and be back in a jiffy! — they won't haVe time 
to miss me. At what o'clock do you dine ? A late dinner 
I suppose; five, eh? — six? seven? Well anyhow we'll be 
here as soon as we can — Whe e's my hat? 

HoR. Here it is ! 

Smith. Much obliged. (Brushing it with his sleeve.) 
I'll soon be back Maggie! Gentlemen and ladies, allow 
me ! (Bowing awkwardly. Exit) 

Lyndon, (aside.) Thank goodness ! 

Enter Ryan with a letter on a silver waiter for Lord 
Lyndon. 

Lyndon — a letter from the German embassy! 

Lady L. That must be our baron's acceptance of the 
invitation ! 

Lyndon, (reading.) So it is. My dear mother you 
have been successful ! — You'll have been the main spring 
of my enterprise ! Take our company in the drawing- 
rooms won't you dear mother, whilst I see to a few thing* 
with Margaret? (Exeunt all but Lord Lyndon and 
Margaret.) 

Lyndon. Well, my dear, are you not glad of this 
piece of good luck ! The purpose of the dinner is accom- 
plished — Baron Friedgeschildt meets all the financial 
magnates at my table backed by the Chancellor of the 
Exchequer and before the coffee, he'll be my principal 
shareholder, perhaps my partner !~ why are you so si- 
lent ! Any other wife would be proud of her husband's 
success — 

Marg. Proud ? of what ? 

Lyndon. Proud of having a husband who is ambi- 
tious, plucky, energetic, who forces things to go as he 
wants them to ! — Recollect one thing, my dear wife. In 



T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. 43 

this world things must glitter, though they need not be of 
gold for all that. But we must dazzle, or fall by our own 
dullness. 

Marg. What do you mean ? — 

Lyndon. I mean that this enterprise of mine is so 
considerable, that it is beyond my own means to carry it 
through — I must attract outside capital, or I risk break- 
ing down in the attempt and endanger my personal for- 
tune involved in it — Capital can only be attracted by a 
show of success and splendor — well I do not wish to hurt 
your feelings, but you know as well as I do, that your 
father's presence, good excellent man as he is, won't be 
very conducive to display! — 

Marg. My father ! — 

Lyndon. Of course, if would not look nice in me to 
tell him to ke.ep away — of course he has a right to come 
into the house arid sit at my table, but you, my dear Mar- 
garet, could give him with tact, a delicate hint, without 
hurting bis feelings — 

Marg. Oh ! but Henry, I really can't — 

Lyndon. Yes, yes, you can — I know you can do it 
very pleasantly — I rely on your doing it ! I must go and 
see my cashier and settle some accounts with him 

Marg. But surely Henry you do not expect me 

Lyndon My dear child, I only expect you to take 
some little interest in my pursuits and nelp me, that is 
all — But in mercy's sake, on my return do not let me 
find you in this dress ! — I want my little wife to do me 
honor! (kisses her and exit) 

Marg. (falling on a chair.) He doesn't love me any 
more ! if he did, he would not be ashamed of my family ; 
he would like them for my sake ! — he used to say, my 

parents would be his I believed him then! how he 

has deceived me ! — 

Enter Horace. 

Horace, (aside ) Lyndon, has ju^t gone out ! Here's 
my chance — 

Margaret, (rousimg herself and brushing her tears.) 
Somebody? — 

Hor. Why. Lady Lyndon, tears in your eyes ? — Has 
your husband been harsh to you? I know he is sometimes 



44 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 

subject to fearful outbreaks of temper but entrust 

me with your confidence and I shall fight your battle for 
you 

Maeg. Thank you but there in nothing of the 

kind needed I do not feel well, that's all. 

Hor. Let me show you my selection. I hope it will 
please you — I tried to guess your taste. 

Marg. Oh ! yes, I had forgotten my husband's pres- 
ent. 

Hor. It is his present, of course; but I have se- 
lected it and you know in such a case, selection is every- 
thing. I tried to find what would suit the clearness of 
your complexion, the brilliancy of your eyes 

Marg. Mr. Graham ? 

Hor. And I chose this. It was the finest I could find! 
Its price is far beyond what Lyndon would think of pay- 
ing for it, but if you like it, I shall be amply repaid for 
the balance, by one of your sweet smiles. 

Enter Smith unperceived. 

MaRQ. (haughtily closing the case and throwing it on 
the table) I do not wish to subject you to the reproach 
ot extravagance from my husband ; I shall not wear these 
diamonds ! 

HOR. What? — not wear them? when I hoped to see 
you this eveniDg, out-shine by your beauty the richest 
ladies of the land ! And must not the framing be equal 
to the picture — Let me see your lustrous eyes rival these 
jewels — 

Marg. Sir ! 

HoR. Ah ! you can't be ignorant of their power ; if 
Lyndon does not know how to appreciate the treasure he 
possesses, others are more worthy of your love. 

Marg. Sir ! Mr. Graham ! 

Hor. My dear Margaret, let me call you so 

Smith, (twirling him round.) How long is this going 
to last? 

Marg. (rushing to Smith.) Father ? 

HoR. The deuce take him ! 

Smith. Is that the way you do in your high-toned 
company ? Make love to the wife as soon as the husband 
has turned the corner ? — 



T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 46 

HoR. Oh, Mr. Smith, only a few words of mere gal- 
lantry — I did not 

Smith. Oh ! then it was only to keep your tongue in 
practice. 

Hor. Indeed, I assure you — 

Smith. That's all right; Don't be scared ; I am not 
going to get angrv. It is not worth while — Maggie is 
quite able to hold ner own. She knows better, and if she 
aid not, it is not a spark of your size that will set her on 
fire! 

Hor. Mr. Smith !— 

Smith. I have said all I have to say to you ! I wish 
to speak with my daughter, my dear sir, and shall be 
very much obliged to you, if you will allow me to do so — 

Hob. Why, certainly !— The deuce take tbat old hat- 
ter! A regular marplot! (Bowing) Madam (Exit ) 

Smith. Your husband has queer friends round him — 
By the by ! he i9 a bad acquaintance for Charlie, I'll 
have to warn the boy about him — Why, you have not 
said anything yet about my suit ! — I have just bought it 
at the clothier's on Oxford Street, as I went by, and I 
sent word to your mother to diess up as there was a big 
kettledrum here; so you'll see that we shall be about as 
smart folks as any — why ! that's her voice ! — 

Enter Mrs. Smith in an elaborate visiting dress and a 
paper parcel in her hand. 

Mrs. S — Never mind ! never mind ! I see them ! — 

Marg. (running to her.) My dear mother! 

Mrs. S. My dear, dear child ! I was so dying with im- 
patience to «ee you that I've been running all the way ! 

8mith. What have you got there? — 

Mrs. S. That's a lemon pie from our old pastry cook 
Johnson, that Maggie used to like so much; I saw one 
in his window and I got it as I went by — Why, there is 
no place to put anything here ! — (looks round and at last 
places the pie on a stand to the i2.) 

Smith. Did my messenger tell you we were sleeping 
here to-night? — 

Mrs. S. Yes, indeed — I expect a few parcels here 
soon — 



46 T. J. SMITH, HATTER 

Marg. (aside.) Mercy ! I shall never be able to tell 
them 

Mrs. S* Well Maggie, what is the matter ? you don't 
seem to be glad to see us. 

Marg. Oh ! mother, how can you say so ! — only. 

Mrs. S. Only what ?— 

Marg. I am so sorry to have to receive you with all 
this crowd 

Mrs. S. Well, it is a nuisance! It would have been so 
nice to have been all to ourselves ; but we'll have a good 
chat to-morrow ! — 

Marg. And why not to-day ? — 

Smith. Why, how can you? 

Marg. (aside.) I see my way through ! (aloud) You 
know, mother, to-day is your birthday. 

Smith. I know it is? — you're forty to-day old lady, 
and I am fifty — of course I don't say that before people, 
because mother says I am only forty-five ! and every 
body knows I am ten years older than her, that makes 
her : ,.. : ,tj 

Mrs. S. And you're not sorry for it either ! 

Marg. You know, we always used to keep mother's 
birthday. 

Smith. Of course we did ! — 

Marg. We can do it to-day too ! 

Smith. How so ? — 

Marg. These grand receptions tire me! My mother- 
in-law can do the honors much better than I can — and ] 
shall not feel well 

Mrs. S What's the matter? — 

Smith. Nothing; don't you see it's a dodge to be 
quiet with us ! — 

Marg. And we can have a nice cozy dinner upstairs 
in my room ! — 

Mrs. S. Oh ! what a splendid idea ! And we'll have 
the lemon pie all to ourselves ! — the big table won't know 
what they lose ! What a pleasant evening we are going 
to have ! — 

Marg. And many others like it I hope — Indeed, I 
have prepared a plan — You see, we could not be quiet 
and free in this house — with all these servants and such 
a lot of company in the evening ; I think /shall ask you 
to let me stay with you a few days — 



T, J. SMITH, HATTER. 47. 

Mrs. S. Why, that will be nice ! 

Marg. I shall be so happy to be once more with you ; 
I can help you to fix up your new house — we must put in 
all the old ornaments so as to make it look as much as 
possible like our dear old home !— - I wish you had never 
given it up ; if you could only have kept it when you 
gave up the business ! — I would so like to see my own 
room again as it was 

Smith. Come, come, you must not grow sentimental — 
you are a good deal better fixed up here ! — 

Mrs. S. But Tom — she only means that she liked our 
home — and would like to see it again — Ah! here is our 
son-in-law ! 

Enter Lord Lyndon. 

Lyxdon. (aside.) Great heavens? — the mother-in-law 
now! My dear madam 

Mrs. iS. — (disconcerted) Madam? 

Lyndon, (politely cold.) My dear madam, I am de- 
ligbted to see you 

Mrs. S — My lord sir son-in-law — I mean 

— (to tMiTH.) What is the matter with him? 

Smith, (to Mrs. S.) Nothing ; business on his mind. 

Mrs. S. (to Smith.) Well, business never prevents 
people from being glad to see their relatives ! 

Smith, (to Mrs. S-) Yes, my dear, I think it does — 
in their world ; you see their business is different from 
mine (they go on talking aside.) 

Lyndon, (to Marg. aside.) Did you speak to them ? 

Marg. Yes. 

Lyndon. Is it all settled ? 

Marg. I hope so — 

Lyndon. Good ! (Loud) Of course you will excuse me 
my dear Mr. Smith, and Mrs. Smith too 1 hope — 

Mrs. S. That is all right, son-in-law, Maggie told us 
you had people to entertain to-night and you could not 
dine with us ;.. xiM&eti 

Lyndon. I am very sorry indeed it should be thus — 
I regret it exceedingly. 

Smith. So do we — but it can't be helped — and we'll 
make it up talking about you with Maggie. 

Lyndon. How so ?— 



48 



T. JT. SMITH, HATTER. 



Smith. We'll drink the health of the absent ! 

Lyndon. What does this mean ? 

Marg. It means, my dear, that I do not feel well, and 
that I cannot stand the tedious length and noise of your 
grand dinner party and I have asked my father and 
mother to dine with me in my room. 

Lyndon, (angrily.) Why, this is something new now! 
and you have believed that I shall consent to 

Marg. Why not? I don't see that it makes any 

difference No lady is coming and your mother can. 

preside — 

Lyndon. Why the thing is preposterons ! — absurd ! 

Mrs. S. How so? — 

Lyndon. I insist on your doing the honors of my 
home to my guests ! If I had wished to keep bachelor 
hall I need not have married. I insist on your per- 
forming your duties as my wife and if anybody else here 
gives you contrary advice, I shall 

Smith, (with severe dignity.) One moment, my lord 
son-in-law ! There is but one advice that you'll find us 
giving our daughter, and that is: obey your husband ! — 

Enter Ryan. 

Ryan. My lord, the carriage of the Lord Chancellor 
is entering the court-yard. 

Lyndon, (to Marg.) You hear? — there is barely 
time for you to reach the drawing-rooms beiore him — 
and still in that dress, when I had asked you particu- 

Marg. (going to Smith.) My dear father 

Lyndon. Come on, come on ! there is no time to be 
lost ! — (he hurries Marg. off. Exeunt.) 

Mrs. S. (after a pause in which they have been staring 
at each other.) Well ? — 

Smith. Well, Mrs. Smith, what do you say to this ? 

Mrs. S. I say nothing. Tom. 

Smith. What do you think about it ? 

Mrs. g. I think that Maggie is nat happy. 

Enter Ryan and two servants. 

Ryan, (overhauling the furniture.) Now set the card j 
table! light the chandelier and mantelpiece! Great 



T. J. SMITH, HATTER 49 

Scott !— what is this stuff? who on earth has left this 
rness here ? 

Mks. S. Why that is my lemon pie .! 

Ryan, (to the servant.) Carry the thing away! 

Mks. S. Hop that! Iwant my lemon pie !. 

IJyan Such things ma'am, are not placed in a li- 
brary 

Smith, (aside) I am getting about enough of this! — 
(he sits down) 

Ryan. I am very sorry, my dear sir, but I must have 
this chair — 

Smith How dare yon ? 

Enter HoRAce- 

Hor. What is the matter? — Are you wanting in re- 
ppeet to Mr. find Mrs. Smith ?— leave the room this in- 

fTstni ! — (aside.) A nice job I have now on hand ! 

I wish Lyndon had done it himself — especially after what 
happened a few minutes ^ago between old head-gear and 
myself. 

"Mr*. s. Why. that's Mr. Graham ! how are you my 
dear Mr. Graham ! Thomas, have you seen him already? 

Smith. \%s yes, I have both seen and heard him. 

Hon Dear Mrs. rmith. why you are more charming 
and blooming than ever! 

f mith (sarcastically ) Always devoted to the ladies, 
this dear Mr. Horace ! 

HoR. How sorry I am you did not come a couple of 
hours earlier ! 

Mrs. S. Why so? 

Hoo. Oh! because then I could have shown you the 
reception rcoms, the beautiful chandeliers, the draperies 
and statue?, the heavily gilded marble columns, the Land- 
Sderp, the gains boroughs, the ancestrial portraits; Irwin 
the bold, killed at Azincourt — and Theobald the deformed 
who was pa^e to Richard III; and the Lady Helena 
whose gho.-t is said to have loner haunted the castle of 
the Iyndons, th-.t was burnt during Cromwell's reign 
and 

Mrs. S — And why can't we see all this now? 

Hor. Oh ! now, you know, the rooms are full of com- 
pany. 



50 T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. 

Smith, (boiling over.) How's that? 

Hor. (rather timidly.) I say, there is such a crowd — 
and I know you hate it — and you are quite right — a 
crowd is awful — especially when it is in high society — so 
stuck up ! — so dressed up ! so out of the way, you know ! 
— Unless one is accustomed to it, it is a dreadtul ordeal ; 
you show real good ta3te in avoiding it if I could do so, 
I should go too, far from all this noise and revelry and 
enjoy myself amid the calm poe'ry of nature — A farm 
would be my home — rising with the lark — eatng with 
the pigs — retiring with thechicken« This dinner to- 
night is a trial to my nerves — highflowu manners, fastidi- 
ous ceremonies — questions of precedence, dry speeches — 
Ah ! how I envy you your free and easy life ! — you can 
go and come as you choose, while we are forced 

Smith. My young friend will you tell me what all 
this is going to lead us to? 

Hor. (stammering.) I beg your pardon 

Smith. I say what do you mean with ail your fine 
sentences ? — 

Hor. 1 mean I mean I don'tknow 

SmIth. Well I'll tell you what you mean you 

want to get rid of us 

Hor. Oh Mr. Smith, how can you think it possi- 
ble 

Mrs. S. Why Tom you don't believe 

Smith. Wny of course; don't you see thu t'nt is' 
what he has been aiming at for the last hour ? — except 
that he has not got the courage to say so plainly ! — Now 
let us understand each other, Mr. Graham ; y »u have an 
interest in my departure, my eyes are too sharp for y<>a ! 
(to Mrs. S ) Do you know I found this puppy foici- g his 
insulting attentions on Maggie ? But if you think that 1, 
Thomas J. Smith, who was not killed at Azincou.it, who 
was not deformed, who was not page to Richard 111, who 
am no ghost and whose castle has not been burnt down 
under Cromwell, if you thin!? I am going to let myself 
be turned out of doors by a lackey of your stamp, you 
are greatly mistaken ! 

Hor.— Sir !!! 

Mrs. S. Tom, don't be violent ! 

Smith, (violently.) Oh ! leave me alone, wife ! I am 



T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. 51 

going to see this matter through and if my son-in law is 
at the bottom of this*, he shall have to speak out for him- 
self ! 

Enter Lord Lyndon and J ady Lyndon. 

Lady L. The Baron w a charming man ! 

Lyndox. My dear mother, I am so glad you succeeded 
in bringing him round ; I lay the greatest hopes on his 
intervie v with rhe Lord Chancellor — 

Smith. Ah! here yon are! — I just want you to 

Lyndon, (aside ) What ! — still here ? — 

Smith. I'll not detain you long. I only want to 
know if it is by your orders, that this fellow, your head- 
lackey, was trying t) put us out, my wife aid myself? — 

Lyndon Why my dear Mr. Smith, you are certainly 
laboring under a mistake — 

Smith. There is no mistake, my lord. D) you mean 
to father the insult, or do you not ? 

Lady L. If my son has thought that perhaps it would 
be more agreeable for you to 

SmIth I am not speaking to you, madam, but to my 
daughter's husband. Is it true, my lord, that you turn 
u« out of doors ? — ■ 

Lyndon. Such a word ! — 

* MITH. The word i* all right, if the thing is true ! You 

don't answer, eh? — Silence implies consent You see, 

wife, that his lordship >s ashamed to own us ; a hatter, 
faugh ! — But he may do ns he pleases — he can't help after 
all, being the son in law of a hatter! — You had no busi- 
ness to marry my daughter, my lord; you had no business 
to promise us we ahould be all one family ; you ought to 
have told Maggie, " I marry your fortune, not yourself; 
I despise your parents — I flatter them now, because I 
need their consent, but I intend to get rid of them as soon 
as lean!'' — Fool that I was! I ought to have resisted 
you all — I ought to have listened to the advice of my old 
i friend Johnson ; I, the head of the family, ought to have 
been wiser than you all ! as it is, I have jeopardized the 
happiness of my child ! — I shall never forgive myself! 

Mrs. S. (sobbing ) Oh Tom ! 

Lady L. (to Horace,) Oh ! do stop this scene ! — 

Hor. Come come, Mrs Smith, be more reasonable 



52 T J. SMITH, HATTER. 

than your husband — don't you see he is making mount- 
ains out of molehills? — Of course you underhand that — 

your dress though very pretty next to those 

of the ladies he t — 

Smith What ? — Do you dare to put your word in, you 
puppy ! — I have been calm up to now; but I shall twist 
your nose off, it you insult my wife! 

Enter Margaret. 

Maisg. (hearing the last words) Insult my mother ! — 
(throwing herself in Mu>. Smith's arms) 

Smiiti (striking a table with his fist) You miserable 
■wretch: you ! — 

Lyndon. Mr. Smith, this violence 

Smith. ' My lord, if you aie a man, you'll renounce 
this fellow for your frend, for he insults your wife and 
your relatives (.VTrs Smith controls her husband.) 

tiADY L Whtft a scandal ! 

Marg. (going over to Smite) My lord, this is infa- 
mous! — as vou blush lor my pa.-entu you must ali-o lie 
ashamed of me! — Do you think I am going to remain 
in a house from whence they are tinned out? — No ny 
lord. Turn me out to >, for 1 -!mI1 not leave th'eta ! — 
(sobbing on Mrs Smith's shoulder.) lake me away! Utke 
me away ! 

Lyndon. Mad mi ! 

S.viiiH. (calmly) Maggie, your words recall me to 
reason I ought not to have let myself be led into vio- 
lence — I had thought 1 had hoped there was a 

place for us m our child's home; you have decided other- 
wi.-e. Lord Lyndon, and you are' the master here — 
Heav. n to ibid I should raUe troutde in your house, le- 
tnairs here, 'daughter ; your place is b_y your hu>b;-nd. 
(Takesher from Mrs. SMifH and pd&ses her t> • yndon ) 
Come, wife ! — our sou \\'\\\ comlort us t (t the lo-s < i our 
d .ugli'er ! 



T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 53 

ACT III 

Ihe scene represents an elegant library or lawyer's office 
desks, bookcases &c. A door leading outside to R — One 
leading to Charles' bedroom to L. In the centre- folding 
doors lead to dining-room — Lorriner at desk. 

Lor. Four and two is six, and seven thirteen, how 
much did I carry ? — pshaw ! it is all to be done over 
again ! — Well, who would have said that this would be all 
the writing I would have to do? — Adding up washer- 
woman's bills. When I came here as master Charlie's 
clerk, 1 thought I would write briefs and decline all day 

Ions; but we, or at least, the master leads such a, 

racketty lite that I am kept busy sending off creditors and 
have no time for latin — in fact I've lost all taste for it — 
Sometimes I i egret my old trade — mercy ! some one com- 
ing ! — That will be the fifth dun since bitakfast! — I must 
look busy to inspire confidence 

Enter Horace, later Charles. 

Hor. Well, what's the matter? 

Lor. Oh ! Mr Graham ! — oh my master will be very 
glad to see youl — he is in for you ! 

Hor. (laughing.) Are you besieged? — Creditors get- 
ting obstreperous ? 

Chas. (coming out,) How are you ? As you see I 
have to be cautious — There is a constant ringing of the 
bell 

Hor. Why do you let yourself be annoyed in this 
way? — Why don't yo'u go to the old folks and tell them 
you want money ? 

Chas. I would not do it for the world ! — If they only 
knew to what extent I have deceived them, they'd never 
torgive me !— 

Hor. Pshaw ! why should not you enjoy yourself? — 
You are bound to have a snug little fortune of your own 
>ome day ; then, why not enj y it when you are young? 
you are only spending your own ; you have the same 
round sum set aside for you as your sister got when she 
nar:ied. 

Chas. By the bye !— have you seen my sister of late ? 



54 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 

I have not been there for an age — how is Maggie getting 
on? 

Holt. Lyndon is going to the bow-wows ! — ridiculous 
speculations; crazy to make a grand show to attract in- 
vestments. 1 have tried to advise him but it is of no use — 
he insists on going down hill Ids own way— I don't g<i 
there any more— I hate to see thing-* soing to rack and 
ruin and my fiiendly remonstrance* treated with con- 
tempt So I'll turn my attention to you. 

Chas. How so ? — 

Hor. I mean to say, I have withdrawn in7 advice 
from them and will give you all the benefit of it, though 
your father does not seem to like dip. 

Chas. I can't say he does; he forbade my seeing yon. 

Hor. Deluded mortal ! — I wonder what has given him 
such a grudge against me? 

Chas. Thanks to you, I have not been there for five 
days; and yet, poor Father, he says he is only ha f »py 
when I am home with them. 1 must go to day. 

Hor. Pshaw! you'll go to-morrow ! [ am sure play- 
ing the dutiful twice a week is as much as any fellow can 
be expected to do. To-day we have other things on 
hand ; I think you need my advice and services— . Au^n.s 
tus told me you lost pretty heavily at cards last night, 
after I left — 

Chas. Yes; a regular run of back luck. 

Hor. How much ? — 

Chas. Seventy pounds ; all I had! — and 1 owe abuut 
fifty more — 

Hor. Well, you can win it back to-day. lit is com 
ing here to lunch. 

Chas. Lunch here ? 

Hor. Yes — so am I — and Compton is com in p, and we 
expect to have a jolly good time too ! — 

Chas. And how on earth am I to pay for thn spread 
out? — I haven't a penny left, and I am over head and 
ears in debt ! 

Hor. Well — you have only a wo d to say and I can 
get you all the monev you want. 

Chas. You? how"? 

Hor. That's where the friend comes in. I can grt a 
funny old fellow to lend it to you ; he has some money to 






T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 55 

invest and so long as he gets a little interest 

how much do \ ou want? — five hundred pounds ? — 

Chas. Well, about that ; it would not cover all I 
o-A-e, but the tradesmen can wait a 1 tt tie longer, and I 
ran get on with that till I draw my allowance from the 
governor. 

H R. Well, all right— I'll talk him into five hundred. 
I say ! orriner ! 

Lor. Sir ! — 

Hor. Go order a first-class lunch, you understand — 
with champagne for four! — have it set immediately in the 
dining-room — Let me find everything ia good order when 
I come back! — (Exit.) 

Lor. Is that so, sir ? Have you lost so much as that 
last night? 

Ciias. Yes — most unfortunate luck. 

Lor. If master knew that! Mercy, wouldn't we catch 
it! — he who only plays backgammon at one penny for 
every five games — 

Chas. I must turn a new leaf — I hate this life auy- 
how ! when I go to see father and mother 1 have pot 
to find such a lot of excuses— if they only knew that 
all this furniture is not paid for, and that I have frit- 
fcArpil away all the money they sent me to pay the bills 
with! How lu ky it was that at the time of graduating 
ihey were out nf town and my sister on her wedding 
tour !— They took my word for everything and I have de- 
ceived them in all! — I must get through at the next ses- 
sion ! — It is all I can do to keep up the deceit till then ! — 
I must set my degree ; and I can't study so long as I 
carry on in this way ! — I must put a stop to all this. 

Lor. So I am not to order this lunch to-day? 

Chas Yes, you must — I cannot back out of that; I 
am in for thi", and 

Enter Smith and Johnson. 

Lor. Mr. Smith ! 

Cha^. Father ! (shakes hands with both.) 
Smith. Well, my boy. glad to see you ! I was strolling 
with Johnson and I thought I'd srnw your quarters to 
him. Look round, Johnson, and see how nicely I've fixed 
him ! 



56 T. J. SMI1H, HATTER. 

Lor. (aside to Charles ) Mercy sir, get rid of him 
if you cau ! — The company will soon be coming; I'll rua 
and order the lunch ! — and get out of the way. (Exit ) 

Smith. Charlie, you haven't been to see us for five 
days — how so ? — Your mother is fretting about you and 
she said she would call round this afternoon. What's the 
matter, lad, you look worried? 

Chas. I am not worried father, I'm only a little tired 
— sat up late Inst night — had to gei papers ready for this 
morning — I've got to be at a hearing of witnesses at 
twelve o'clock, and I'll have to leave in a few min- 
utes I'm so vexed 

Smith. Of course, it's a pity, boy, but that's noth- 
ing — We only strolled in to see you by mere chanc- ! — 
We'll be off directly, for you must keep your engagements 
punctually. 

Enter Lorriner in haste. 

Lor. (aside.) Still here! — What \s going to happen ! 

(Loud) Sir, sir, here's the lady of the divorce case with 

Mr. Claverland ! — 
Smith. You've got a divorce case ! — » 
Chas. Yes that is uo Lhave merely 

to take some testimony 

Enter Ophelia and Augustus Claverland. 

Ophelia. Here we are ! — 

LoR. Hist! — (aside) Its tha father! You are a cli- 
ent !— 

Ophelia, (aside.) lam a what? — 

LoR. (asidf.) You must pretend to come for a di 
vorce case ! — 

Ophelia. Oh! I see ! — (aloud) I did not know you 
had company — 

Chas. (introducing.) My lather Mis Duncan- 
son, Mr. Claverland— 

Smith. I think I have seen the gentleman before — at 
Lord Lyndon's, a few days ago — 

.Auaust. I think I had the pleasure 

(has. Mr. Claverland, will you step over here, I will 
show you the papers to be signed — (walks over to a desk 
with Aug ) 



T J. SMITH, HATTER 57 

Lor. (to Smith.) A very clever young lawyer. He 
is this lady's attorney in the case. 

Smith. Is he indeed ? — 

Ophelia. Your son is a very promising lawyer, Mr. 
Smith. 

Smith. I am glad to hear you say so, Mrs. Duncanson, 
though I am sorry to hear you need his services — 

Ophelia. Mine is a most distressing case, sir ; my 

husband has ill treated me so threatened my life — 

robbed me of my children — 

Smith. (?ympathizingly.) Dear me, dear me, you look 
so young 

Ophelia. Young! oh, Mr. Smith, I am the mother of 
four children! — Ot course I was married at sixteen to the 
brute 

Smith. Is it possible? — And he ill treated you, a 
mere child ? — 

Ophelia. He bf at me before we were married three 
months; he dragged me by the hair about the floor!— 
bruised me all over ! (aside to Lorriner) how long have 
I to go on in this way? (to Smith.) "Vou see he would 

get drunk and then of course you know 

and my little children are away from me — lam trying to 
recover them. (Lor. has been to the desk to advise Chas. 
who comes up.) 

Chas. Mrs. Duncanson, will you please read these 
papers and sign them ; I shall have the pleasure of wit- 
nessing your signature. (Ophelia goes to desk.) 

Smith. Well, my boy, I see you are busy Poor 

little thing, I really feel for her Is she in need of 

money ? 

Chas. Ko, no, she's pretty well off luckily, 

Smith Glad to hear it — poor child ! But I must not 
detaiu you — you've to go out besides — so, come on. John- 
son ! Come ruund, this evening, Charlie if you can ! 

Chas. I will for certain — I shall be free and shall 
come early, may be for supper! — Good bye! — (Exeunt 
Smith and Johnson. During this scene Johnson has 
been silent, but has been looking round at the people and 
inspecting the labelled pasteboard boxes in the pigeon holes, 
finding them empty, except one that contained packs of 



58 T. J. SMI1H, HATTER. 

cards. When they are finally gone, all burst out laughing 
except Charles.) 

Ophelia The old codger !— how he took it &'.\ in !— 
I could have gone on stuffing him for ever ! 

Chas. (solemnly) Now — stop just there, Ophelia ! I 
won't hear another word about this ! 

Ophelia. All right — but did not I play the fine lady 

well, Gus ! — I was just po prirn!.„ ha ha ha! — Let's 

have a game of cards and give Charlie time to recover 
from the shock ! ha ha ha ! (they sit up stage.) 

Chas. Mercy, what an escape! Oh, if ^nce I can 

get out of this, I'll take good care never to gf-t into such 

a fix again — Good Heavens! if father only knew 

Well this shall be the last spree 

Enter Me Compton and a Young Lady, (music.) 

Compt. Weil, Charlie — here we are my cousin 

from Warwickshire — Mr. Smith. 

Chas. Delighted I am sure — Lorriner one more cover! 

Enter Mr. Blanchard and a Young Lady. 
(music ) 

Blanchard. Charlie, my boy — a future client fur 

you! Miss Flynn — Mr. Smith. 

. Chas. Quite welcome make yourself at home. 

Lorriner ! — one more cover. 

Enter Horace Graham with two Young Ladies. 

Hor. Four more rather, for here are two nice jolly 
friend of mine — Charlie Smith, my bosom friend. 

Lor. Where will this e id I wonder? — Now that 
makes eight, instead of four. I should say it is high 
time master should reform ! — 

Charles, (to Horace.) Well ? and tKis money- 
lender ? — what about him ? — 

HoR. It is all right — he is coming in a little while to 
bring the money and the notes for you to sign In the J 
mean time if you need some, here is fifty pounds. 

Chas. Much obliged, old ''boy! (to Augustus.) Au- 
gustus, old chap, I owe you forty pounds from last night 
— allow me 



T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. 59 

Augustus. Why, Charlie I hope you'll win it back 
from me soon — I must give you your revenge. 

Hor. Of course .of course ; we'll have cards after 

the champagne — 

Chas. No — I have promised myself not to play any- 



mor 



August. Get along! — drunkard's vows! — I pledged 
myself fifty tim^s that way when I lost! — 

Hor. So all of us have — and yet we still tempt the 
fickle goddess, don't we ? — 

Lor. Lunch in ready ! 

All. Hunah! — come on! — fun for ever. (They all 
dance round the room and exit into bach room.) 

Lor. (alone dancing round with a bust he has taken 
from the mantelpiece.) Hurrah, if this is our last spree, 
old man, we must enjoy ourselves too! — come on! hur- 
rah ! hurrrah ! 

Enter Smith. 

Smith, (staring with astonishment) Lorriner ' — 

LoR, Sir? Mr Smith!'! (nearly dropping 

the bust.) 

Smith. What are you doing there ? 

Lor. Doing, sir? I am dusting the furni- 
ture! I was shaking the dust off the old man!— 

t-:ere i* so much dust in these rooms — (aside.) How shall 
w^ pver get out of this? 

Smith. Where is my son? 

Lou. He is just gone out — 

If-'MiTH. Gone out? (aside) He said he had to 

go out — 

Lor r one out, sir; gone to the court — won't be 
hack till very late, sir ; a night session, I think — (aside.) 
That will send him off I hope ! 

Smith, (sitting doivn.) Well nevermind......... 

I came here to speak to you ». 

Lorrixer. (aside.) Speak to me? — sitting down? 
Mercy on us — how shall I ever get him away ! 

^mith (aside.) Johnson has raised my suspicions — 

he says he does not think Charlie is practising law 

and that he is deceiving me in every way. I cannot 
believe it ! still I must see to this ; Johnson is clear- 



60 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 

headed and would not have spoken to me so, if he had no 
good reasons Lorriner ! 

Lor. Sir? 

Smith. Where is my son gone ? — 

Lor. He is in court, sir — if you go there you are sure 
to find him, sir. 

Smith. Never rnind — 1 11 stay here — So he has got 

plenty of work, eh ? he is kept busy by his clients, 

eh? 

Lob. Why sir, just look heie! {reading off the labels 
of the pigeon holes.) Bigamy ! — petty larceny ! — divorce ! 
— burglary ! — fraudulent brnkruptcies ! 

Smith. (rising) Fraudulent bankruptcies ? — Why 
that must be interesting ! — let me see ! (opens the case.) 
Why, there are no papers hei e ? 
Lor. The papers ? 

Smith. YV — this is empty. 

Lor. Oh ! Mr. Charles must have taken them with 
him! 

Smith. Well but I thought young lawyers only 

got cases through attorneys and solicitors 

Lor. Of course, sir ; we have got two of the best. 

here are their cards! Mr. Slinguff ! you must have 

heard of him. The great Mr. Slinguff, and Mr. Handford, 
the great Mr. Handford !— and if you want papers, sir — 
why, bless us, look here, sir! here is a cas-e of a con- 
tested will ; look at this [—there now ! (whilst Smith runs 
over the papers ) If he only knew that is a sham lawsuit 
the students debated more than a year ago ! 

Smith, (aside.) Well this i* satisfactory and substan- 
tial — I wish Johnson could f-ee this! (Loud) Lorriner! 

Lor. (aside) Poor man ! — He takes it in so ! — I do 
feel sorry for him ! 

Smith. Well — but he has not made his first speech 
yet, has he ? 

Lor. No sir, not yet ; you know sir, lawsuits Are long 
things — may be this winter 

Smith. You must let me know when he does — I want 
to hear him ! — but I do not want him to know I am 
there, it might make him nervous, the dear boy ! — Well 
Lorriner, what you have told me and shown me has done 
me a world of good ; it makes up for a lot of trouble I 



T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 61 

heave from another quarter ! (sighs) but that has 

nothing to do here — Take this, Lorriner, (giving him 
money.) 

Lor. (refusing it.) Oh! thank you sir, but really I 
could not take it ; (aside.) I would feel as if it were 
stolen. 

[Smith. You won't take it? 

Lor. No sir — please don't — I you see, I am a 

lawyer's clerk now, and 

Smith, (taking it back.) — too proud eh? — I under- 
stand that ; I like that kind of pride ; you are trying 
to rise in the world — all right, my t.oy. . I won't do 
anything to hurt your feelings. I'll think all the better 
of you for it ! — my wife will come here probably ; she 
wanted to take the boy out for the evening, but as he is 
engaged it can't be to-day; (going towards the door.) 

When she comes tell her I was here (Noise in the 

next room) Why, what is that? — there is somebody m 
the dining room ! 

LoR (aghast.) Do you think so ? 

Smith. Think so? — 1 am sure! — why.it is Charlie's 
voice ! 

Lor. Ah! then he must have returned by the 

backstairs ! — 

Smith. I'll go in and see him. 

Lor. (rushing in front of him.) No sir — no sir! — if 
he is in, it is on business ; law business! — he mast be ex- 
amining witnessef — 

Smith. But I hear ladies voices ! — ; 

LoR. That's it! — that is just it! — it must be the 
bigamy case ; that's the two wives — 

Smith. A bigamy case ? you did not mention it ! — 

Lor. I quite forgot it, sii — now I rocollect, Mr. 
Charlie tc Id me he wanted to try and make the two wives 
come to an understanding ! — 

Smith. I should say that must be rather dfflcult 

Chas. (inside.) Silence in court! — Miss Julia, you 
must begin first ! • 

Lor. You see, sir ! — you see ! — he tells her to begin 
to explain first ! (singing by a female voice.) 

Smith. She explains in singing ? 



62 T. J. SMI1H, HATTER. 

Lor. I must be mistaken — it is some other ca e. Oh 
— it must be the Italian singer ! — 

Smith, (suspiciously.) He has a ca^e with an Italian 
singer? 

Lor. Yes, against a reporter ! — he went and wrote an 
article saying she could not sing classic music and she has 
sued himl 

Smith. Why should she come and sing here ? 

Lor. I dare say Mr. Charles wants her to >ing some 
real classic music in court, so the jury can judge for them- 
selves. 

Smith. That is a new idea. 

Lor. Quite! never been done before! — Mr. Charles 
relies a great deal on the effect, (singing of a low popu- 
lar song.) 

Smith. So that is the classic music she is to sing ? 

Lor. (shows embarrassment — chorus — Smith shaking 
him by the ear.) 

Smith. I suppose the jury is rehearsing the chorus, 
too, eh? — you lying villain, you take me for an old 
drivelling dotard, that you hope to deceive me by such 
tales ! 

Lor. (writhing in pain.) Oh ! sir ! — >please, sir ! — 
my ear, sir! — 

Smith, (still pulling his ear.) I leel as if I could twi.n 
your neck off. With your meek aiis and innocent tales, 
you nearly got me off the track ! — Ah ! you are Boo 
proud to take money — are you ?,— how much does my Son 
pay you for lying to me, eh ? (jerking him of.) Go and 
fetch my son ! 

Lor. (holding his ear ) The Lord have mercy on me ! 
what is going to happen ? 

Smith. Or rather, no ! — I'll 20 in myself! go in there! 
(showing the bedroom door) and dare to leave it at your 
peril ! 

Lor. (going in) I've done ail for the best. (Exit..) 

Smith, (alone.) I wonder if Johnson was not right 
after all ?— what if Charles were actually deceiving me, 
because I am a mere tradesman, ignorant of the path in 
which I have started him ? — I can't believe it of him ! — 
Why should he ? I have never denied the boy anything ! 
— he has had all he wanted? — and yet things certainly 



T. J. SMITH, BAITER. 63 



look queer, I must say! perhaps I have stumbled 

on some merry making party and Lorriner was afraid to 

tell me it may not be as bad as Johnson would 

wish me to believe; when I was a lad, I did not have 
much time for fun, but I enjoyed it all the more when I 
could get a day. I could find no fault if Charlie gave him- 
self a holiday now and then if he works hard as he 

says he does, I should be glad that he does get some 

pleasure now and then but Johnson insists that he 

is never doing anything ; and that he has fallen into bad 

company, and systematically deceiving me I can't 

believe it of Charlie ! — I won't believe it ! — he has al- 
ways been such a good boy ! — well I'll soon know the 
worst ! {going towards the door, but hearing some one enter 
turns back.) Somebody ? 

Enter Skinner. 

Skinner. Mr. Charles Smith, if you please? — 

Smith. I am waiting for him myself, sir — 

Skinner. Ah — all right — still at lunch, eh? 

Smith. At lunch ? 

Skinner. Yes, with his friends. I know all about it; 
I can wait too. We must not disturb their youthful 
pleasures — 

Smith. So, so — it is only a lunch-party !— I thought 
there was something of the kind going on — (alond.) 
Who are you, sir ? — 

Skinner. Mr. Skinner — Samuel Skinner of Sudbury, 
not far from Sydenham. I am come on a little business 
with the young gentleman. 

Smith. Are you a client? — 

Skinner. A client ? 

Smith, (aside.) He looks like an honest manj! 

Skinned. A client? Why, are you acquainted with 
Mr. Charles Smith ? 

Smith. Certainly I know him quite well. 

Skinner. Then you must know that there is very lit- 
tle of the lawyer about him ! 

Smith, (uneasily.) Is that so ? 

Sk'inner. Are you one of his trades people ? — 

Smith. Precisely that's just what I am ! — I have 

provided him with a lot of things ; and I daresay, you 



64 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 

are one too — eh? you have a bill against him? — 

want money, eh ? 

Skinner. No — there you are mistaken ! — I am bring- 
ing him some — good news for you, eh ? — you have a 
chance of being paid at last — 

Smith, (bewildered.) I don't quite understand you? 

Skinner. Why, you see, I have a little farm, garden 
and so forth — I love the country, I live on my place — not 
far from the city ; I have a lodger who has saved a few- 
pennies — he is an invalid and he wants to invest his lit- 
tle savings in a profitable way, that will bring him a lit- 
tle more percentage than the bank — and when I come to 
town he wants me to find some safe investment for his 
few shillings 

Smith. I see; and you are the agent between the two 
parties 

Skinner. For a little consideration ! 

Smith. Of course and this young gentle- 
man here has sent for you ? 

Skinner. Yes. His friend Mr. Horace Graham came 
to fetch me — 

Smith. Mr. Horace Graham? — 

Skinner. A nice young man — has got me several bus- 
iness transactions, I mean to my lodger — out, of course, 
I am the responsible party — and as such, I must see that 
all is safe ; not that I know much about business — I only 
understand farming and gardening — The furniture is 
pretty good here — the books are nicely bound ! — the 
father came down handsomely, to attract clients for his 

precious lawyer son ! he he ! — do you know the old 

man? 

Smith. I have seen him sometimes ! 

Skinner. A retired hatter— eh ? 

Smith. Yes. 

Skinner A good-natured sort of fellow, eh ? — but no 
great shakes — eh ? 

Smith. I beg your pardon ? 

Skinner. I mean a kind of pokey slow-coach ? 

Smith. You think so ? 

Skinner. To speak plain English — a darned old fool, 
like his son ! — the chip and the block? 

Smith, (aside.) I feel like pitching this fellow out of 



T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 65 

the window — only I can get some information out of 
him ! — 

Skinner. Is he as rich as he is said to be ? 

Smith. Well— he is comfortably well off — 

MvInner About fifty ? — 

Smith. Round about that? 

Skinner. Is he still in good health ? — looks strong, 
yet?-. 

Smith, strong? — I should think so ! — he is solid for 
thirty years more — and means to be too ! — 

Skinner. That's bad ! — the young one won't come 
into his money soon ! 

Smith (aside.) You rascal ! 

Skinner. The interest will have to be raised in con- 
s quence you see ! 

Smith. Of course ! (Laughter and noise ) 

Skinner. They are at the fruit and wine, now ! they 
are getting slightly excited. — 

J-mith. Is not that the good time for you to do busi- 
ness ? 

Skinner. He ! he ! — I see you understand the ropes ! 

Smith. You speak to him first; I can wait! 

Skinnerr. (laughing) AH right! — you want to see 
him after he has some money! — be! he! — we play into 
each other's hands ! — he ! he ! — 

Charles, (from within.) Lorriner ! 

Skinner He's coming ! — (^mith retires into the bed- 
room.) 

Enter Charles, excitedly. 

Chas. Lost again ? Lost ! — on one card ! — one card ! — 
(calling.) Where is this money-lender ? — 

Skinner. Here I am, sir ; at your service, sir — 

Chas. Oh ! you are the man, eh ? — Mr. Graham told 
me that you would consent to lend me — 

Skinner. Not I, sir — a lodger of mine. I'm only a 
simple farmer, I mind my garden — 

Chas. What do I care about that ? — I want five hun- 
dred pounds. 

Skinner, (handing a note.) All right, sir— against a 
note of hand that you will be pleased to sign, at five 
months date 



m T. J. SMITH, HATTER: 

Chas. Five months ! — that is a very shor 

Skinner. It can be renewed— you know ; we can see- 
to that later. 

Chas. Have you the money with you ? 

Skinner. Yes sir — here I have it — {handing bank 
notes.) 

Chas. Givo me the papsr ! (Is going to sign.) 

Skinner. You know the terms, of course ? 

Chas. No — 

Skinner. Five per cent and a small premium. 

Smith, (aside from the bedroom.) lie is not such a 
skinflint as I feared ! — 

Chas, That is all right sir, I accept them. 

Skinner. Here are your £300. 

Chas. 300 ! why I said £00— 

Skinner, Of course — but it is usual to deduct the pre- 
mium and interest. 

Chas. But five per cent does not make 

fr k inner. Certainly it does; five per cent a month 
for three months is £125, and 75 premium, makes 2 — 
take two from five leaves three and here you are ! — 

Smith, (aside ) The wretch ! 

Charles, (rising.) This is an extortion ! I'll not 
sign it! — 

k^MiTH. God be thanked ! he has not fallen so low 
yet! 

Skinner. Just as you please, sir. It is not my business 

it is my lodger's; lam only a farmer but it is the 

usual rate for risking money without any security. — 

you'll not find cheaper terms — 

- Chas. I'll do without, then ! — '111 not submit to this. 

Skinner. As you please ; I wish I had not left my 
garden to come to town for nothing. 

Chas. (aside.) And yet I have lost the fifty 

Horace lent me and I still owe Arthur ! — I must pay them 
immediately ; debts of honor — I must borrow ! and there 
is nobody I can ask ? (aloud.) Here, fellow ! where is 
that paper ! — I'll sign it and take your terms. 

Smith. Oh ! the fool ! instead of coming to me ! — 

Skinner, (counting the notes.) To-morrow the Dr. 
of the Life Insurance Company will call on you — it is 
usual. 



T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. 67 

Chas. What for ? 

Skinner. You must insure your life — you might die 
before your fathe: — of course, it is not probable, thank 
goodness ; but it is the custom. 

Smith, {covering his face) Oh ! — what a shame ! 

Chas Enough, sir, enough! — take the note — give me 
the money and go ! 

Smith, (snatching the note from him ) Unfortunate 
boy! What are you doing? 

Chas. (staggering ) My father ! 

Smith. Yes, your father, who has wanted to see how 
far misconduct could lead you ! 

Skinner. Do you mean to say you are the father? 

Smith. The darned old fool — yes sir. 

Skinner. Oh, if I had known. 

Smith. You need not apologize — you were perfectly 
right — I was an old fool to believe in the honesty and 
straightforwardness of this boy ! — I shall not be so how- 
ever, any longer! — take back your money, sir and leave 
u*! 

Skinner. One must be indulgent, sir. Young men 
will be young men — 

Smith, (in a rage ) Will you go away, yes or no ? 

Skinner, (sloiuly.) All right, sir — I wish I had not 
left my farm fortius — next time my lodger wishts to lend 
money he can do it himself — I only care for my garden — 
(Exit.) 

Chas. (humbly, as Smith walks excitedly about.) 
Father 

Smith, (stopping short in front of him to expostulate, 
but being too full for utterance only finds broken words.) 

That you after all my trust! Ah! you are a 

oh! it's infamous! oh!! (breaks down, tries 

to struggle ivith his emotion sits down and sobs aloud.) 

Charles, (rushing on his hues) Father! father! 

forgive me! I have done wrong, I know; but I'll 

atone for it all forgive me! 

Smith, (rising) Never! leave me! — you have 

hurt me beyond atonement ! to deceive me in this 

way ! 

Charles, (half rising holding Smith's hand.) Father, 
hear me ! forgive me ! I swear that henceforth 



68 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 

Smith. {breaking from him.) Henceforth ? — hence- 
forth you'll be nothing to me! — you have injured me too 
deeply! leave me ! — I have not a child left !!! 

Enter Mrs. Smith. 

Mrs. S. Here I am! — here I am! — Good day Char- 
lie! — (to Smith.) I am come alone, but Johnson will be 
here directly. He came in huir.iedly, to say that he had 
heard some bad news and he wanted to know more about 
it — Why what is the matter with you both! — eh? — What 
is the matter with your father, f-oy ? — (shaking one after 
the other.) What is the matter with Charlie, father? — 

Will you speak out, some of you? Charlie, I will 

have you answer me ! — 

Smith. He is not going to answer you — but there is a 
crowd next door that can answer for him. You do not 
expect him to tell you that he has deceived us for months 
and months : lying to us a thousand times, by word, let- 
ter and deed ! — You do not expect him to tell you that 
all our hopes are blasted in him — that while we thought 
he was honestly studying in the career of his choice, he 
was throwing the raonev he drew from me on wine, wo- 
men and cards! — You do not expect him to stand up and 
say that this furniture, these books and the very coat on 
his back has remained unpaid, though I sent him good 
and heavy checks to cover the bills, and though those 
same bills were forwarded back to me, receipted— by 
whom? — by himself! to blind me to his reckless road to 
ruin ! 

Mrs. S. (sobbing amd holding Charles' hand whilst he 
is averting his face ) Charlie, Charlie ! — tell me this is a 
mistake! — 

Smith. Do you wish him to say he is no more a law- 
yer than you are ? — do you wish him to tell you that hav- 
iug run in debt and gambled away all available money, 
he found no honester way of getting more than by rais- 
ing money at 60 per. cent on the chance of our deaths ! 

Charles, (who has been bowed down with grief, turns 
round suddenly and kneels to his mother, sobbing.) Oh! 
no ! no ! no ! not that ! — I'm guilty of all the rest, but 
not of that ! — Mother, mother, have mercy on me, if he 
has not ! 



T. J. SMITH, HATTER 69 

Smith, (throioing the crushed paper he holds.) There 
is the note ! — and there are the clients of your lawyer 
son ! — (dashing the door open he discloses the company at 
the table.) 

8| 1*3. H. Oh! Charlie Charlie — say it is not true ! 

Horace, (comes down stage, slightly tipsy, a glass and 
napkin in his hands.) I say, Charlie are you going to be 
all night with old money-bags ? — here's to the innocent 
farmer and his lodger ! — Where is this pastoral usurer ? 

Mrs. S. Why, it is Mr. Graham! 

Horace, (to Snira.) Here, you swindling old jew, 
give us your money snd scoot ! — Hallo ! — the old hatter ! 
— by all that's crushing ! — and the old hatress, too ! — 
Whew ! — A nice kettle of fish ! — we must put on the best 
face we can ! — Come on and driukwithus! — have a glass! 
we are not proud, not a bit ! — the more the merrier ! come 
on!-- 

Charles, (to Horace ) Silence Horace ! the state in 
which you are — 

Smith. Why do you interrupt the gentleman ? what 
does it matter to you, that this fellow insults your par- 
ents ? It is not the first time; a week ago after in- 
sulting your sister with his unpleasant attentions he 
turned round and insulted your mother 

Chas. Insulted my mother ? — (rushing at him.) You 
are a scoundrel ! — 

Hor. Look out ! — what's the matter with you ? — 

Chas. Enough I say — (knocking his glass off.) If you 
are not too drunk to see it, I hope you understand that I 
wish to insult you ! — 

Johnsojt. (who has entered quietly a little while before.) 
You see for your self, my poor old friend, that I am not 
entirely mistaken ; I am sorry to be a bird of ill omen — 
unfortunately it peems to be my fate always to bring bad 
news; I have now ascertained the truth of a rumor I 
heard this morning, and you must know it, though it will 
be another blow to you — 

Smith. Say on, Johnson ! — nothing can hurt me more 
than the way I am disappointed in my children — say 
what you have to say man, what is it? 

Johnson. Your son in-law, Lord Iyndon, has rushed 
into speculations, honestly — bravely but recklessly ! the 



70 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 

cashier of his bank absconded Saturday night with all the 
funds on hand ; and here he is, on Monday morning, left 
to face the situation with his private resources — his lia- 
bilities are such, that on the Stock Exchange it is declared 
this will necessarily bring about the bankruptcy of all his 
other enterprises. 

Mrs. S. Merciful Heaven ! 

Smith. Poor Maggie ! 

Hor. Why! I could have told you that would 

be the end long ago ! — 

Mrs. S. (crying on Smith's shoulder) Ah! these are 
too many blows all at once! 

Smith, (sadly.) We have reaped what we have sown 
— we wanted to make our children a fine gentleman and 
lady — 

Mrs. S. I was the cause of it all, Tom ! 

Smith. Never mind — the milk is spilt— tt is no use 
crying now ! — Come on, wife ! 

Johnson. Where are you going to? 

Smith. To Lord Lyndon's to pee what I can do for 
him. 

Johnson. What ? after the other day's scene ? 

Smith, He is my daughter's husi and, and he needs 
me ! Come on, wife ! — (Mrs. S. seeing Charles bowed with 
grief rushes to him and kisses him on the sly. Exit.) 

Mrs. S. Here I am, Tom ! (to Johnson.) Do not 
leave Charlie alone ; try and learn all you can from him ! 
(Exit.) 

Hor. The old man has got grit in him. 

Chas. Yes, and heart too ! — and you have got nei- 
ther ! 

Horace, (scornfully.) My dear boy, if you are fish- 
ing for a fight, you can have it for the asking. 

Chas. This very instaut! — 

Hor. No, thanks! — I do not whip puppies after 
meals- — it spoils digestion — you can send me your seconds 
to-morrow. 

Chas. I shall ! 

Horace, (insolently.) Oh ! by the by you might 

give your saconds the £50 you owe mt — I'll funor your 
challenge when you honor your debt — besides you had 
better square yourself all round, for I have an unlucky 



T. J. SMI1H, HATTER. 71 

knack of being a first-rate shot and a champion swords- 
man. 

Johnson, (advancing ) Mr. Charles Smith owes you 
£50 ? — Please have the kindness to draw on me for that 
amount. 

Horace (staggered.) Oa you? Who the devil are 
you ? 

Johkson. (very politely, but looking him straight in- 
the eyes) Cipt. Johnson, of the Merchant Marine Ser 
vice, and Mr. Charles Smith's second. Here is my card! 
(Tableau — Curtains.) 

ACT IV. 

A parlor in Lord Lyndon's mansion. Sofa and doob 
to L., a fireplace. Boor at the rear; door to R. a tarel 
with a bell — Margaret. 

Marg. (seated on the sofa and holding an open letter in 
her hand.) Three o'clock ! Ah ! here he is ! — (goes to the 
door and listens.) No ! — not a sjund ! (rings the bell, Ry- 
an answers.) At what o'clock did Lord Lyndon leave 
this morning? 

Ryan. At seven — 

Marg. What message did you say he left for me ? 

Ryan. My lord told me to give Your Ladyship the 
note as soon as ^our Ladyship appeared at breakfast — 

Marg. He said nothing else ? 

Ryan. No mv lady. 

Marg. That's all. (Ryan bows and leaves — She reads 
the letter.) " Do not worry unnecessarily, dear Maggie !" 
— Not worry ! — when he knows that ruin stares us in the 
tace and our name is going to be dragged into the bank- 
ruptcy court; (reading) "The loss may not be as consid- 
erable as I first thought — I have some hopes of warding 
off the first brunt of the blow — If I succeed in the steps I 
am now taking I may gain time — and time is everything 
— All my hopes lay on two friends — if they consent to 
help me, I may still keep my head above water— I shall 
come or let you know a3 soon as I have good news" — 
(aside) it is three o'clock and he is not home yet ; that 

means he has not succeeded and he wants me not to 

worry! — (Listening) Ah — this time yes — here he 

is ! 



72 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 

Enter Lyndon 

Margaret, (running to kiss him.) Well ? what news ? 

Lyndon, (disconsolately) Bad!— I have failed every- 
where; of the two friends on whom I relied one can't, 

the other won't I thought of a rich old friend of my 

father's but — he is away on the Continent — they do not 
know his exact whereabouts — and I can't go telegraph- 
ing my rum at random all over Europe for the very plim 
chance of his helping; me out of it ! (sitting on the sofa ) 

Margaret, (sitting by him.) Then you have no more 
hope ?— 

Lyndon. No ! — Maggie, we are doomed ! — this week 
will see my name in the bankruptcy court and all our 
property will be seized for the creditors ; I 6ee no escape 
— We can conceal the state of affairs for another day or 
two — but unless some unexpected friend comes to our 
rescue, I don't see...... .. 

Marg. Friends? we have a great many of them 

— and you have helped several yourself —but why need 
we appeal to them — cannot we supply the deficiency 
from our own resources 

Lyndon. My poor child! all we have between 

us will not cover one fourth of the bank's ind btedness ! — 
I never involved more in my speculations than I knew I 
could cover at the worst : and though these failures in 
the other banks have shak n mine pretty severely, I 
could have weathered the storm; but now, with this ras- 
cally cashier running away with all the available capi- 
tal of the bank, what remains, when realized at a loss, 
would not pay sixpence on the pound? 

Marg. This is dreadful ! 

Lyndon. It is, darling— I shall not survive this ; it 
will kill me! — 

Marg. (kissing him,) Henry ! 

Lyndon. You have heard nothing here? No commu- 
nication from the police, eh ? 

Marg. None ! 

Lyndon. The rascal was too sharp for detection. 
You see he must have stolen the money as he closed the 
bank on Saturday ; that gave him time to cross to the 
continent Saturday night and to travel all Sunday and the 
best part of Monday before the detectives were put in 



T. J. SMITH, BAITER. 73 

possession of the facts — He can have cashed all the draft* 
Monday morning before any of us knew of the robbery ! 
As thfy have not yet caught him, there is no hope for 
me ; he has had time to get out of their reach — if they 
catch him late it will do me no good — he will have spent 
the money or concealed it and in the mean time I shall 
have had to face the world as a bankrupt! — Well, good 
bye dearest, I must be off again; something might hap- 
pen if I could only gain time t though I don't see what — 
I have made a list of mv most intimate friends and that 
is my last resource. 

Ryan, (announcing ) Mr. Claverland is in the library. 

Lyndon, (to Maggie.) He is one of those I thought 
of! — Tell him to walk in here!— What can bring him 
here to-day ? Perhaps he has heard of the flight of that 
scnondrel and he comes to sympathize — Courage Maggie 
— there is hope ! — He could help me if he wants to — -ind 
why should he call now if he does not? 

Enter Arthur Claverland. 

Arthur. Good day, old boy, good day— Lady Lyn- 
don, I am your humble servant — 

Lyndon, (shaking hands.) My dear fellow, you do 
not know how much I appreciate your visit at this par- 
ticular moment 

Arthur. Is that sarcastic ? as censure for my absence 
since your last party? I plead guilty, but, 'pon my word 
I was contemplating a 1 call, when your kind invitation 
reached me this morning — 

Lyndon, (aside astonished.) Mv invitation ?....,.... 

Maegaret. (aside.) What does he mean ? 

Lyndon, (aside.) This is a mistake — did you invite 
him? 

RYAn. (announcing.) Mr. Compton, and Mr. Blan- 
chard. 

Enter Mr. Compton and Mr. Blanchard — later Admi- 
RAt and Lady Lyndon. 

Compton. Good evening, my dear fellow, (shaking 
hands.) Lady Lyndon, (bowing.) 
Lyndon I am delighted to see you. (aside) Why 



74 T J. SMI1H, HATTER. 

what a strange coincidence What can bring them 

all here ? — Have they already heard of my trouble, or ia 
it mere chance ? — 

Ryan. Admiral Lyndon ! Lady Lyndon ! 

Lyndon, (astonished ) Why ! mv dear uncle ! — 

Admiral. Good day, my boy ! — (to Marg.) My dear 
little niece, you have certainly got an enormous influence 
on me, to succeed in getting me to leave my dull home to 
accept your invitation — I am not like Mr. Clave rland 
here, the pleasures of the table have no longer any at- 
traction for me. 

Makgaret. (aside ) Pleasures of the table ? 

Lyndon, (aside ) Her invitation ? — 

Lady L. My dear daughter, I sacrificed my favorite 
opera to come to you — But your invitation was so presB- 

Lyndon, (aside walking up to Marg) Why then, 
you have asked them to come ? 

Margaret, (aside.) No indeed! — I thought perhaps 
you had? 

Lyndon, (aside.) I ? — I have trouble enough on my 
mind without thinking of dinner parties — 

Margaret, (aside.) What are we to do ! — I gave no 
orders of course — 

Lyndon, (aside.) This must be a hoax — We'll have 
to explain 

Smith, (outside.) Never mind, never mind ; I'll go 
in without being announced ! 

Marg. My father ! 

Lyndon. Your father ? 

Marg. He came to see me yesterdav — but he did not 
want me to tell you. 

Enter Smith. 

Smith. Good day children — ladies and gentlemen. I 
am happy to meet you. 

Lady L. (aside.) The old hatter here ! 

Smith, (to Lyndon.) All right, son-ia-law — all right ! 
— I know you did not expect to see me again, alter — well, 
never mind — I have come without being asked though I 
said I would never cross your threshold again but 



T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. 75 

when I am needed I do without an invitation and Eome- 
times, when it is necessary, I invite others. 

Lyndon, (aside ) It's he who has asked all these 
people — what does this mean? 

Smith. I see my dear son-in-law that you have here 
quite a phalanx ot faithful friends constant and de- 
voted I am glad to notice it under the circumstan- 
ce". 

Lady L. What circumstances ? 

August. What does he mean ! 

Admiral, (aside ) What is the old boy after ? 

Lyndon, (to Smith.) For Heaven's sake if you have 
heard something — keep still — before these people — 

Smith, (aloud.) Lord Lyndon this is no longer time 
for concealment, false pride, social vanity and so forth — 
you must set all that aside — 

Lyndon. Mr. Smith ? 

Smith. There is nothing tn be ashamed of; it is no 
crime; mere misfortune. Well there — as, I see you have 
not told them the whole story — I'll tell it for you — but 

(turns Ryan out of the room) just go your ways 

and don't come until we ring for you ! 

Lady L. (aside.) Th6 old hatter makes himself quite 
at borne. 

Marg. Father! 

Smith. Well, my friends, this is the thing — Lord 
Lyndon has been dabbling in various speculations as you 
know — all very honestly, with some very fine promise of 
success, only they have not succeeded, but he might have 
riggled out of it somehow by himself and the world would 
not have been the wiser for it — were it not for a rascally 
cashier by the name of Strand who absconded Saturday 
evening last, with all the available cash of the bank — 
(General movement.) Yes, a clean sweep ; the detectives 
are after him but very probably too late to catch him — 
Yes my friend ; I am sorry to say it, this places Lyndon 
on the very verge ot bankruptcy ; everything being in- 
volved he can turn towards nothing to replace the defi- 
ciency— he can only rely on bis friends ; all of us here 
are his only protection against ruin ; as you see, we are 
very far off from a dinner party — In fact we are all here 
assembled to see what best each of us can do for him ; by 



76 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 

making an effort we can save him. Now gentlemen — 
the proposals are open ! — who speaks first ? (silence.) 

Lady L. This is a most dreadful event ! — so unex- 
pected ! — 

Admiral. Why if a fifty pound cannon-bUl had 
knocked me on the head it could not have ;up?et me 
more ! — 

August, (to Compton. If that is all we have been in- 
vited for ! — 

Smith. I see gentlemen, that what I have just said 
affects you sincerely — this tells well for the goodness of 
your hearts and the love you all bear to Lord Lyndon — 
you do not wish it to be said that you were only his 
friends around his table or in his ball-room — Now you 
are going to prove yourselves friends in need and friends 
indeed ! 

August. Certainly, (aside.) I suppose the old man 
wants to save his daughter's portion from the general 
wreck — (hunts for his liat) 

SmIth. (aside, seing MR. Compton take his hat and 
sneak out.) The exits are beginning — just look at 'em ! 

August, (shaking hands!) Lyndon — Words are use- 
less in such cases ; I'll see what I can do for you ; my 
heart is with you — good bye — good bye — (Exit.) 

Smith. It would be more practical if he left his 
purse with you instead of his heart — 

Blanchard, (shaking hands ) Lyndon—I am too 
full for utterance — you understand me — good bye good 
bye — (Exit.) 

MarG. Ah ! my dear Henry, these are the friends you 
relied on so much ! 

Lyndon. Yes — the whole list of them ! — all gone ! 

Admiral. All the better my boy, all the better — you 
see exactly what kind of friends they are — Now that we 
are rid of them, and I think it is a blessimg, let us hear 
the facts of the case, my dear sir. 

Smith. As you say, Admiral, let us face the game as 
it stands — and if possible let us repair the damage among 
ourselves and keep it hushed up. I think we may suc- 
ceed in covering the losses between us. To begin with 
the most serious, and the one that leaves no chance of 
gaining time is the whole deposit in the bank carried off 
by the cashier— £70,000. 



T J. SMITH, HATTER. 77 

All £70,000 ! 

Smith — A deposit — a sacred trust — that can be claimed 
any minute by the depositors — and that must be paid 
down to a penny on the spot — or bankruptcy is declared ; 
and you all know that as soon as the news that the cash- 
ier has run away with the money oozes out aa it is bound 
to do, there'll be a rush on the bank, ihe question is 
what can we all do, towards supplying the deficiency ? 

Admiral. This is terrible ! — To have our name 
dragged into the courts ! I can do nothing to help you ! — 
You know I have no fortune of my own — only my pro- 
fession ; I was a second son — I live on my pension — I 
have saved a few hundred pounds here and there — You 
may have them and welcome — I can part with half my 
pension ! — It will go pretty hard with me at my age, but 
what is all this, my little all, towards £70,000 — it would 
not satisfy as much as one single creditor. 

Lyndon. My dear uncle such a sacrifice — 

Smith, (shaking him by the hand) Admiral, you are 
what I call a man ! 

Admiral. I have always tried to be! — Mr. Smith, 
we'll put down in black and white presently what little 
I can provide in the emergency — But you my dear sis- 
ter-in-law, you must be able to do better 

Lady L. I hope none of you doubt my affection for 
my son ! 

"Smith. Of course not, Lady Lyndon, we all know that 
— and knowing also that your dower portion and pri- 
vate fortune were considerable, I have heard it said you 
had an income of six to seven thousand pounds — 

Lady L. (mortified and crushed.) I ao not deny it — 

Smith. Well then, by immediately converting the in- 
vestments into cash you can help us considerably ; lend 
your son as much of your capital as will be necessary to 
resist the rush and we shall all pledge ourselves that your 
injome will not suffer from it and we'll do our utmost to 
restore your capital in its integrity in time ! — Let Lyndon 
bridge over this momentary difficulty and with prudence 
he can retrieve his fortunes without loss — 

Lady L. This is dreadful ! — My son, one word with 
you — 



78 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 

Admiral. Speak aloud, sister — we are all onje family 
here — 

Lady L. Well then my son — I have a painful reve- 
lation to. make to you.. 

Smith. How so ? — 

Lady L. I have — imprudently, I acknowledge — de- 
prived myself of the means of helping you — but who 
could foretell what happens now ? — how could I guess 
that my husband's fortune would melt in my hands? — 
My expenses to keep up my station in society were be- 
yond my income — and as I thought everything looked 
bright in my eon's future I — 

Admiral. You don't mean to say you sank your cap- 
ital in a life interest? 

Lady L. (bowing her head.) Yes — 

Smith. A life interest and you a mother ! 

Lyndon. Mr. Smith! 

Smith. Give away your capital ! ' 

Lyndon. Mr. Smith, recollect she is my mother ! 

Smith. Has she recollected it? 

Lady L. Mr. Smith, I have fulfilled all a mother's 
duties. 

Smith. Those duties end only with death. 

Admiral. He is right. 

Lady L. Mr. Smith, I may Have acted' imprudently, 
as I now see by the ruin of my son ; he has a right to 
accuse me. 

Lyndon.. Mother! 

Lady L. But as for you, sir, you must feel safe — 
your daughter is not involved in my son's ruin. Her for- 
tune is secured by a mortgage of this mansion and its 
contents — and the sale will amply cover all she brought 
my son — 

Smith. My daughter's fortune?— Do you think my 
daughter would help to swindle honest creditors by 
sheltering herself to their disadvantage ? by putting in a 
full claim on the only available property they can look 
foward to ? — Even if there is a chance for her by law', 
my daughter considers that her husband's honor is her 
own ; and to pay her husband's debts she'd sell her jew; 
els and her dresses! she'd take to work, if necessary, 



T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. 79 

rather than be a rich woman but the wife of a bankrupt ! 
—and if she did otherwise I'd discard her forever ! 

Margaret, {embracing him) My dear father ! 

Lady L. Mr. Smith, such noble sentiments ! Forgive 
me for having mistrusted you. In the face of such ab- 
negation I feel powerless — still, I will try ; I may per- 
haps retrieve, in a certain measure the loss of my capital 
— I must consult my lawyer — and shall do my best to de- 
serve my son's blessing | 

Smith. Lady Lyndon, a willing heart can do much — 

Admiral. Come along, sister, I'll help you to fight 
both lawyers and companies ; good bye Lyndon ; I'll be 
back presently and report progress. {Exeunt.) 

Smith, {walking up and down ) I do not doubt their 
good will — but it won't amount to much ! What can be 
done?— Seventy thousand pounds immediately, without 

counting the rest ..where can they be raised? — and 

all by myself! — for I see no serious help around 

Oh! if I were still in business! my name on the 

Stock Exchange would cover all ! — but now......... 

Lyndon. I have written to my stockbroker to see if 
he will not negotiate some shares and obtain delays on 
their payment ; he was aosent, but I expect his answer 
any minute. Ente Ryan with a letter and exit. Ha ! — 
this is his answer! — {opens the letter feverishly .) 

Smith, {aside observin ghim) He grows very pale !— 

Margaret, {running to Lyndon.) Well ? — 

Lyadon. {folding the letter and pretending satisfac- 
tion.) Well, my dear, there is hope — great hope! He 
wants to see me to discuss matters I am going im- 
mediately — I must take some papers from my desk — I 
shall be back ptesently. {goes in at E.) 

Marg. heaven grant this hope may be real! {to 
Smith who has been looking through the chink of the door.) 
Father, what do you think ? — do you doubt his succeed- 
ing? 

Smith, {very serious, gazing intently at the door and 
waivinyher back.) No — I have no doubt ; I am very sure 
now — 

Lyndon, {re-enters, pale and his coat buttoned up 
closely — he takes his hat and kisses Maggie nervously?) 
Good bye, good bye. 



80 T. J. 8MI1H, HATTER 

Marg. You'll return immediately, won't you ? 

Lyndon. Of course, of course — And you sir, I have 
been very ungrateful towards you ; I have repulsed your 
affection and your friendship, c?n you forgive me? 

Smith, (holding his hand mid retaining it.) On one 
condition ! 

Lyndon. Which ? 

Smith. Give me the letter you just received — 

Marg. The answer of the stockbroker ? 

Smith. Yes. 

Lyndon. But that letter 

Smith. That letter was an absolute refusal ! — do not 
deny it, I saw it in your countenance! 

Marg. He was deceiving me ! 

Smith. And his farewell to you was an eternal one ! — 

Marg. What ? 

Lyndon. Mr. Smith ! 

Smith, No use denying. I have seen you! — Give 
me that pistol you took out of your desk! 

Marg. (falling on her knees.) Ah ! 

Lyndon, (trying to extricate his hand.) Mr. Smith ! 

Smith, (opening London's coat and taking the revol- 
ver.) Come, come, I want that pistol ! — (letting go his 
hold on Lyndon who flings himself on the sofa and buries 
his head in his hand.) Killing yourself, forsooth ! a fine 
way to pay your debts ! — What is to become of your 
creditors? — Having lost their money, do you wish to de- 
prive them of the only security left them, your honor, 
your honesty and your life ? — Your death at your hands 
now, would be nothing but a cowardly swindle ! 

Lyndon, (starting up.) Mr. Smith ! 

Smith. That's it ! — be a man ! Face your trouble like 
a man, and do not leave weeping women to struggle 
through the misery you have not dared to face ! — Do your 
best, and we'll all help you ! — I can sell all the property 
I have only just bought — a clean sweep of my investments 
may cover all your immediate trouble. Then, I am still 
hale, my head is clear — my health is good — my commer- 
cial reputation perfect, it is not too late for me to re-enter 
business, and T. J. Smith will be a hatter again ! 

Marg. My dear father ! 



T. J. SMI1H, HATTER. 81 

Enter Charles. 

Chas. I hope I ain come in time ! 

Smith, (sternly.) You here, sir? 

Chas. Father, let me earn your forgiveness ! — Listen 
to me, I am not here for my own account ; Augustus has 
just left me after telling me the utter ruin that faces Lyn- 
don. He is my brother-in law — my sister's husband 

Smith. Well, sir?— 

Chhs. Am I right, when I say that you had set aside 
for my future establishment a sum equal to my sister's 
dowry ? 

Smith. So I have. 

Chas. Well then, allow me to dispose oi it in favor of 
Lyndon, to bridge over this difilcultv. He can return it 
later— 

Maeg. You dear brother ! 

Smith, (shaking his hand,) That's my son again — 
now I know you, Charlie. 

Lyndon. I can't accept it! — I won't bring ruin all 
round me in this way — 

Smith. You must do it, my dear Lyndon ; save the 
family name and honor first — you can then take steps to 
repay us ! 

Enter Mrs. Smith out of breath, followed by Lady Lyn- 
don and Admiral — later Lorriner and Johnson 

Mrs. S. Oh, Mr. Smith if you only knew! Oh, 

Maggie, just fancy. 

Marg. What ? 

Smith. What's the matter ? 

Mrs. S. The matter ? — Oh, mercy I am so out of 

breath I met Lady Lyndon and brought her back 

and it nearly made her faint! 

Smith. What is it anyhow ? — 

Mrs. S. You know Johnson had left London last 
night to go to Southampton to see his old vessel sail under 
her new captain. 

Smith, Well, what about Johnson ? — - "* 

Mrs. S. The dear, good old soul that he is ! 

Smith. Never mind his soul ! Has anything happened 
tc his body ? — 



82 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 

Mrs. S. Of course not— You know he took the train 
— he is coming to tell you himself — Oh my ! I have no 
breath left. I ran so fast ! (sits down.) 

Enter Lorriner rushing in. 

Lor. It is perfectly true, Mr. Smi-th ! 
Smith. What is? 

Lor. What Mrs. Smith has just told you! 
Smith. She hasn't said a thing, except that Johnson 
is — 

Lor. Exactly, sir ? He is come back ! — 

Enter Johnson. 

Johnson. And brought company with me! — Your 
friend Strand, my lord! 

All. Strand ? the cashier ? 

Johnson. In the train I noticed a fellow who ans- 
wered your description — I kept my eye on him without 
really expecting I should be lucky enough to hit on the 
right man ; he went on board my old vessel ; I followed 
him when he registered his name — He laid his hat beside 
him and as he paid his fare my eye happened to glance at 
the inside and I recognized a T. J. Smith mark on it. 

Smith. One of my hats ! 

Johnson. Yes, and also a large S. At that moment 
he gave his name to the clerk as Blandford — I involun- 
tarily touched the hat to see if it was not a B. instead 
of an S., when my man sprang like a tiger and tried to 

snatch it from me. A sudden inspiration struck me ... 

I said: " Your name is not Blandford !" " Here is an S !'' 
A regular struggle for the hat ensued, his anxiety to re- 
cover it confirming my suspicions; at last I attempted to 
snatch the initial off to show the by-standers, when the 
whole lining came with it 

Smith, (exultingty.) That's my double lining patent! 

Johnson. But I don't think you lined many hats like 
that one ! 

Smith. All my hats are made alike ! — 

Johnson. But this one had stuffing in it! When the 
lining came off, what should drop out but a perfect deluge 



T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. 83 

of bank notes, shares, bills and so forth ! — just like a 
legerdemain trick. 

Lyndon. What? the money recovered ? 

Johnson. The whole amount ! In a flash there were 
ten hands on his shoulders and about ten people on their 
knees picking up the bills ! A few minutes after, he was 
in Southampton jail and the money in Southampton bank! 

Lyndon. Capt. Johnson, you have saved my life ! — 
(General handshaking.) 

Smith. Nevertheless, after this scare T. J. Smith will 
re-open his business. 

Charles. And it shall be called T. J. Smith & son. 

Smith. That's my boy ! Be a good hatter rather than 
a bad lawyer ! 

Johnson. And I shall be the Co. 

Lor. And I'll be foreman again ! 

Mrs. S. And we shall all be good friends at la-t ! 

Lady L. All one family, Mrs. Smitlv-you have all 
proved to us that you were ours, both heart and soul ! 

Mrs. S. You must come and see us. 

Lyndon, (to Mrs. Smith.) Mother, you shall be satis- 
fied with your children ! 

Smith. Mother !— he has said mother ! — The stiffness 
is all gone out of him ! Now you are my son-in-law ! — 
We shall not visit you and trouble you — You'll come to 
us on Sundays when we are at leisure and during the 
week — (to the public) T. J. Smith will be at his old stand, 
glad to welcome his old customers and friends. 

(Curtain.) 



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